I Just Realized, I Lost My Boops As Well

Fucking hate when others look at me.

Do not perceive me. I wasn’t made to be noticed. Im nothing to look at.

i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person

“I hate

When you say that you're in love

My chest, it burns

When you then say you've had enough

Like make your mind up before I fuck my life up

Baby, I'm so stressed out”

i don't know what's going on anymore, I'm just gonna blackout until the 12th

slight regret for how deep I cut on my wrist is now setting in

dropping off the Internet again (not posting or responding to anyone for probably a week again) and debate suicide

“I feel like a loser without any future

cut open my head

and rip out the tumor

you make me wanna fucking end it sooner

let me respawn like a first person shooter”

well, mom now knows about the scars on my upper arm (which are deep styros and barely baby beans) and oh yay.

she seems these as "too far" (she thinks some should've had stitches. like no? they weren't deep enough for that)

i had to explain to her that I don't care how this affects others (like, you're not being physically cut into so like, why should it matter how it affects you? emotionally? try again, I don't care about that)

I had to "promise" not to do that deep again (I will) <-but will have to be careful because I dont want to be strip-searched.

downside, I have some deep ones on my forearm and near wrist that she doesn't know (that might cause a strip-search if she sees those, which fucks me over because my thighs are the worst place)

we are all born to die right? so is it wrong of me to speed up the process?

sometimes I just imagine cutting my lip, like dragging the blade across my lower lip. i don't know why, I just do and I'm very very tempted to try it.