I Am Beginning To Legitimately Consider Discussing This With Very Trusted People In My Life Because This

Needing to do a deeper dive into my mental state, he briefly said hello on Sunday, while I was driving, at that. I'm exhausted and the dreams are creeping back in, something is triggering something in me and I haven't been able to find what it is yet, though I have a few hunches.

I need to sit down, light a candle or my tea lights, and think. To think and ask, to tease apart what it is that he's trying to tell me.

Overworked? A non-zero chance. 6 days on my schedule but not exceeding 40 hours; still, the constant workplace presence is a drag and keeps me from my hobbies. Housing concerns? The idea of a new place to live with other queer people has been raised to me, it could concern my finances if I were to move, and that's always been a concern as well for me. Finances always concern me, having grown up with so little and the current inflation crisis, not wanting a single penny to be wasted or out of place. I am certainly seeing some improvement, but the question of my ultimate financial goal always lingers over me.

Hobby engagement could also be a factor. I'd attempted an art challenge, day by day, and fell off when I no longer had the time or energy for even smaller sketches. I am attending a large con next month and have only barely started my second outfit, still not even having bought the con tickets. Maybe the goals feel too large? Too nebulous?

I have been invited to a potluck to speak with a myrmecologist, a dream scenario for me and a potential foot in the door to the career I've wanted to pursue. I feel too exhausted to want to go, even though I know I'll enjoy the conversations and I know that entomologist was excited to know I would be meeting him.

I feel drained, so consistently drained, the rapidly setting sun and accrual of unused ideas taking their toll over me. I am hoping to take some strain off of myself after this week, resuming a normal work schedule, mapping out more of the outfit, keeping a clean living space, small indulgences and typical careful planning.

A few off days doesn't undermine my progress, and an off week doesn't undermine it either. This feels, no, is, symptomatic of something larger, and I will work to find out where it stems from to give myself some peace.

Actually wore my antennae out of the house today and realized I didn't even feel nervous about being seen with them. I got groceries while wearing them and felt something almost akin to pride, a deep-seated contentment.

Yes, this is how it's supposed to be.

I love heights, and I bet you did as well!

Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of me publicly using the name Shai for myself and I'm already beginning to feel emotional about it..

Honestly, it's been such a joy to see him having come back; I love him, and he loves me. I'm believing he was responsive to my stress and came back specifically to tell me that (we're) better than this, that (we) deserve more than this. He's egging me on in making actual choices that feel extreme to me but are probably average or on par with how other people would respond. He's angry and rightfully so! He's pushing me to act, to not acknowledge the situation and choose to do nothing.

Seeing him again feels like seeing an old friend again, and part of me really hopes to keep him, even knowing that when life begins to smooth out again, he'll probably go back into dormancy. Truthfully, I thought we'd integrated until he came rushing out of the depths of my psyche again. It was surprising, but I'm not upset. I'm so much more comfortable with him being around and helping me along. It really all does feel like a massive act of love.

Being able to give him more leeway because I'm not afraid anymore means I'm getting to see some of his quirks come through, we made tea and are leaning more towards having some kind of drink for breakfast as opposed to solid food. It's only been a few days since he's returned, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm looking forward to seeing what else we'll do before he inevitably gets quieter before vanishing entirely for however long again.

hello and welcome... to binarystarcare !

this is a (newly formed) kinhelp style blog catering to otherkin, fictionkin, factkin, and system members ! were open to any sources and dont have many blacklisted things ^-^ this blog is run by (currently) two mods - mod hunter and mod ranboo! we both offer different things - such as aesthetics, tarot and oracle readings, and stimboards !

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Warm like a breeze on a summer evening.

Warm like a weighted blanket.

Warm like freshly baked bread.

Warm like the winter sun.

Warm like a new candle.

Warm like a hand-knit sweater.

Warm like a cup of tea.

Warm like a gift given.

Warm like a hello.

Warm like a home cooked meal.

Warm like a letter.

Warm like laughter.

Warm like a well-read book.

Warm like a favorite song.

Warm like a hug.

Warm like a home.

And you say you're cold-blooded?

Thinking of making a more well-rounded introduction once I can tell that my blog is showing up in the tags

Other traditions have their symbols on necklaces, and I think that's what my butterfly choker is akin to

@classicaldreams

𝓜.