Literally The Most Embarrassing Thing About Having A Pouf Fictive Is Suddenly Remembering How Viscerally
Literally the most embarrassing thing about having a pouf fictive is suddenly remembering how viscerally annoying I (the person who watched the caa) found komugi
More Posts from Introspective-in-somnia and Others
Saw a call for fictives... who are also bodily minors.. will I ever see myself represented in these calls..
Thinking very much about wanting to do at least one nice thing for myself every day. Use a body spray or light a candle or some incense, really engage in sensory things in a way I know makes me happy. Use some of my colored light projectors, keep it a little dimmer yet colorful. Break down my meals into simpler components, even if it doesn't feel like a "real" dinner, I'm still eating and that's the most important part.
I don't want to feel like it takes any extra amount of energy to be kind to myself, to make life and my immediate space feel welcoming for me.
To use the candles, to burn the incense, have the food, to merely take up the space I occupy. It isn't a very lofty wish, and it's something I hope I can make a reality in the immediate future.
Thinking of making a more well-rounded introduction once I can tell that my blog is showing up in the tags
I must say, being involved with the kin community on a genuine level is still something I value, but I am not certain how much I still identify with it. This blog will remain standing of course, but I may discuss spirituality on a more general level.
Icon update! I wanted an icon that reflects how I've become much more comfortable in my identity 💖
With an edit where the hair more closely resembles my own:
Othercon 2023 Schedule
The schedule for Othercon 2023 is now available!
Tomorrow (August 10th) is also the last day to create an othercon.org account if you haven't already (one is necessary to attend).
If you tried to register and got an error related to your Discord ID, it is because you didn't enter your Discord ID. Please see the guide here on how to properly find it: https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/206346498-Where-can-I-find-my-User-Server-Message-ID-
Really though. It is exhausting to have to pretend to be human.
I was able to do it! I told my friends and it was taken very well. I was still very nervous and wasn't able to look at them when I spoke, but it was taken with grace and immediately applied. I've been able to tell others as well, and am feeling quite good hearing it from others in my life.
What has surprised me is that it seems to be becoming the name I prefer to hear. It wasn't my intention, and I do still use the name I'd previously gone by, but I'm beginning to like this secondary name a bit more and have been preferring to use it instead. I applied for a job within the past 2 weeks and I used this name in my application; I would love nothing more than to have it on a nametag for regular use, to be recognized under this name.
It's surprising to me how this became such a large part of my life, and how my interactions tangle me a bit more each time I look. I'd even joked about him being cold blooded and unable to regulate body temperature, as well as needing to supplement salt due to his butterfly characteristics, and now I'm currently staring down what is definitely a POTS diagnosis, having both of those traits myself. My acceptance does make me wish to look to see how it interacts with myself, especially in terms of identity and confirmation of such. I don't see it as a bad thing at all, quite the opposite really. I think this is shaping up as something truly quite wonderful through which I may get to fully understand myself a bit better. I never really had a chance to do so before this point in time.
It almost feels as though the two of us became more similar as time went on, though I do swear to myself that I never consciously adopted his behaviors or mannerisms. It was the discovery that his arc mimicked the trauma I went through to an almost absurd degree, it's in the ways he thinks and acts and interacts with the world and others that made me very easily believe that he was neurodivergent because it hit so close to my own personal experiences, it was how I found myself having had the same sort of hobbies - I myself have a violin (though I haven't played recently, and will have to wait out an elbow injury before I can try again) and have always been an avid reader. I explored my own perception of gender through him, seeing him as a very feminine man whose femininity is never made the subject of jokes and is taken seriously, showing me a very rare glimpse of a man who looked just like myself. I felt comfortable in slightly more formal clothing, it felt like it helped to reinforce my feelings regarding my gender, though I can't say for sure whether that was before or after I developed such a strong attachment to him.
I recently got my first tattoo, near my left shoulder, and it's his wings. The artist told me she had actually been watching the series and had just gotten to his debut the night prior, leaving me to wonder whether or not she would think of me at least once as she watched, remembering that I wanted to carry him with me. It's almost completely healed and I'm very pleased with how it's come out, in spite of how dark and blotted it looked when I'd first gotten it. I'd like to get a few more, a few insects and a few awareness ribbons for my various health conditions, but he is present as my first and currently my one and only.
He represents my foray into identity, into coping, into understanding what it is that I want and am, what I want from life and what I desire most to give back. In times when the dissociative feelings kick in strongly, it feels as though there is another person with me, and that the grief I carry belongs to him rather than myself. It distances me from everything I've been carrying, and the feeling of another being present with me when I need it most is a feeling I'm afraid to conceptually lose in recovery, but I feel that I'll still carry him in less fully visible ways. In dress, in name. His, and mine.
