Introspective-in-somnia - Ad Astra Per Aspera

Going to an irl con today as well! I have some regret towards not bleaching my hair for it, but I won't be there for most of it unfortunately; telling myself I could have also painted my nails but that's also fallen by the wayside. I'll have much cleaner opportunities in October and December to pull everything together - those are dates I know about in advance.

Ah, I see, it was all about love.

I missed him.

I always get such a specific set of feelings when it comes to cooking, like YES I am actively choosing to perform this task for other people and feel nothing but the utmost, absolute when it comes out well; as far as service is concerned, cooking is something I hold very near and dear to myself

I've been considering making two actually, I have one already that I periodically update, but I'm considering arranging some music for another that doesn't fling me so violently into such a headspace. The songs won't be as "fitting" for my emotions, but I'd like some I can hear that feel more comforting than validating (though having that as the main aspect is still the most important part).

Do people still make and post kin playlists, is that still something people do

This can be such a funny way to go about my life because sometimes he's here and I know exactly why, and it just feels like we're commiserating.

Literally the most embarrassing thing about having a pouf fictive is suddenly remembering how viscerally annoying I (the person who watched the caa) found komugi

Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of me publicly using the name Shai for myself and I'm already beginning to feel emotional about it..

I would say, without hesitation, that being afforded the opportunity to have and engage with a kin identity afforded me the purest expression of love I could have possibly ever encountered. All things familiar, yet simultaneously new; multiple experiences coalescing into one.

Nothing but gratitude to experience life again and to be given so much freedom of choice; to be able to read and dress well and sit in the sun, the simplest of pleasures becoming unspeakably valuable.

Nothing but love during each of my shifts, nothing but love for the way the identities bleed over into each other, complimenting one another. Familiar experiences through unfamiliar eyes, the joy of the world shown to a cynic and a misanthrope, learning about the good of the world time and time again.

I would not trade it for the world.

Zamarada Geometer Moth (Zamarada sp.), family Geometridae, Bukit Lawang, North Sumatra, Indonesia

photograph by Nicky Bay

I've registered for othercon; actually genuinely excited to see what the community is like, given how little interaction I've had with it thus far 💖