I Would Say, Without Hesitation, That Being Afforded The Opportunity To Have And Engage With A Kin Identity

reblog this post if ur alterhuman (stuff like otherkin/hearted, therian, fictionkin, etc) i want more alterhuman stuff recommended to me

Setting an alarm for "bug time" on my phone in hopes it will improve my life immensely

It's been a bit since I've last spoken here, and I have a lot of things I want to say.

After some very careful consideration, I think I can safely say that my feelings regarding kinning were actually the manifestation of myself coping with a dissociative condition I otherwise didn't know how to describe. This was the closest approximation I could come up with that made sense to me, and as time went on and I was afforded more chances to look at my feelings and perceptions, I do know for certain that there is something dissociative happening to me. Nothing as far as osdd I would say, but definitely along that vein.

I carry him with me. When I'm upset, I hold his grief, and when I'm overjoyed, I hold his caution. Every new situation has a protective measure put over it in the form of a dissociative fit. However, as I've mentioned previously, I don't interpret any of this in a negative light. It simply is what it is, and it is something that developed to help me cope. Of course I was afraid in the beginning - I didn't know what I was dealing with or what triggered my episodes, so I very naturally began to feel afraid when I could feel myself begin to drift. As time has gone on, I have made peace with this aspect of myself and wish to work with it.

This experience has been and continues to be deeply important to me, and I feel that part of my interpretation of it is almost spiritual in a sense. I grasped a lot of my identity through him, saw a lot of my trauma and myself in him and he continues to serve as a lens I occasionally interact with the world through. I have chosen to use his name alongside my own, feeling a sense of recognition and actual, genuine joy upon hearing it. Only a small handful of people know I use this name, and smaller few still know about my dissociation. While the psychological pieces don't necessarily have to come to light, I would like to be afforded the chance to be seen in the world as I am.

I am planning to tell two friends of mine about my name. I trust one of them to take it well, but I fear a bit of reaction from the other. She has a concept of "cringe" and has implied to me a few times prior that my behavior felt embarrassing in a secondhand way. The behaviors in question were either deeply ingrained, as from how I grew up, or entirely innate, as with my neurodivergence. I fear another layer being added to this, especially since we live together, but I don't want myself to be ruled over by my fear of perception. I want to be able to live authentically and for myself, regardless of what may be perceived of me. I already exist as someone who is queer, traumatized, disabled; some of my actions are already perceived differently because of these immutable factors. I don't want to feel afraid anymore. I am preparing for potential questions or pokes, but think I truly may not have much to fear.

My name is Shai, and I don't want to be afraid to say it.

Thinking very much about wanting to do at least one nice thing for myself every day. Use a body spray or light a candle or some incense, really engage in sensory things in a way I know makes me happy. Use some of my colored light projectors, keep it a little dimmer yet colorful. Break down my meals into simpler components, even if it doesn't feel like a "real" dinner, I'm still eating and that's the most important part.

I don't want to feel like it takes any extra amount of energy to be kind to myself, to make life and my immediate space feel welcoming for me.

To use the candles, to burn the incense, have the food, to merely take up the space I occupy. It isn't a very lofty wish, and it's something I hope I can make a reality in the immediate future.

It's almost funny, sometimes when I look in the mirror, I feel like I'm surprised by who I see

Alright, we're doing this.

Must also say! I don't usually have phantom limb sensations but I can't shake the one day I could distinctly feel where my wings would have trailed down my back

Homemaker-❤️

Livre de la Vigne nostre Seigneur; France, 15th century; Bodleian Library, MS. Douce 134, f. 49v

You shouldn't feel caged by labels. They should be a waymark, something to guide you in the direction you wanna go. You can call yourself a cladotherian, even if your "clade" is crocodiles and lizards. You can call yourself objectkin for identifying as an animal. You can avoid all fiction-related labels, even if most people only know your kind from fiction. You can call yourself nonhuman, even if your kintype is per definition human. You can do whatever you want