To The Heart Of It

To the Heart of It

Pairing(s): Alternate! Cesar Torres X Gender Neutral! Reader

Summary: You try and tell yourself that you didn't lose the love of your life, you just have to keep believing that... But why is the alternate letting you believe your own lie?

A/N: Down the rabbit hole I go, I guess. I wanted to explore this idea so here, I probably won't be writing for the Mandela Catalogue again tho - I won't be taking requests.

(I also again do not have a blog for this, so I'm just posting it on my main.)

Warning(s): Angst. Mentions of Suicide and Character Death. Obsessive/Possessive Behavior. Body Horror.

When you came to see Cesar, worried about his lack of correspondence, you didn't even consider the alternates as an obstacle. There would be nothing getting in the way of you seeing him. Come hell or high water.

Bursting into the nearly empty house, you called his name over and over in search. Close to sobbing at the stabbing of anxiety every second you went on without knowing of he was okay.

Cesar's voice was low when it called to you, quiet as your name came from the end of the dark hallway.

You sprinted towards him without hesitation, arms swinging ariund his body. Enough to make him stumble and grunt in surprise.

Sobbing into his neck, you whisper, "I'm so happy..."

He was motionless before he cradled you in his arms.

You knew then that he wasn't Cesar.

Not quite anyway.

His voice would distort and shake between his sweet nothings.

His form, while sharing his face, was different depending on the day.

He'd come back smelling like blood.

But he always came back, always spent his time with you. Reciprocating your affections and "sleeping" in your arms, taking the time to run out to get supplies and make sure the house was stocked.

His laugh was the same, his voice was still gentle as it spoke to you.

He cradled you in his arms like you two were the only people in the world.

He still wasn't your Cesar Torres.

Just a monster wearing his skin.

It was nice to pretend.

But one winter night, tucked in the chest of the thing you knew killed the man you loved...

"I know you're not actually him." You whisper, staring at the swirling darkness at the edges of the room.

Still sleepy, even as the being behind you twitched.

"What do you mean?"

He almost sounded... Nervous.

"I know you're an alternate... I've known this whole time, the minute I heard you speak." You were so tired "... Why did you play along? Let me pretend?"

There was silence, oppressive and heavy. Lanky arms, that were much too powerful, curled tighter around your body.

In the whole of your heart, you couldn't call him an it.

His voice was fragmented, others interspersed between his soft tones.

"I was curious."

"Knew humans do a lot for their loved ones."

"Wanted to see why he loved you so much."

"Wanted to experience what it was like to be loved."

There was an extended silence and the whispers quieted.

"Cesar's" voice came, lips pressed to your ear. His voice was quiet, "Do you still love me?"

You peer into the shadows, your eyes welling with tears. Feeling very alone at the prospect of being left, arms like a vice around you. But he's still here.

He hasn't let go.

You would not cave to dying at your own hands.

Not when you seeked out the answer.

He knew that.

You turn.

His eyes were black as the void, dark and deep.

Your fingers curled around his cheek.

"Are you going to leave if I tell you that I do?" Your voice shook, fingers sweeping through his dark hair.

He shut his eyes, seemingly enjoying the feeling. Sighing quietly, though he is not breathing anymore. As there was no need to do it for show now thst you knew.

"No." His lashes were as dark and pretty as his hair having used photos to make sure he was close as he could be. "I don't think I can anymore."

Lips still soft as he kissed you, murmuring against your mouth. "You're mine now dearest lamb... I won't let you be taken by anything else. Other humans... My own kind... No one, not even yourself."

You whimpered against his lips but it's stamped out as he kissed you deeper, pressing you into the mattress.

"You've given... me a taste of love, made me... burn for you." He said in reverence, voice stalling occasionally "... I love you the way he did."

His face twisted a bit above you, stretching the features of the man you adored into frightening proportions. Smile stretched wide across his face.

"Will you still call me Cesar, dearest?... Can you still love me knowing I am not him?"

You peer at him.

Unafraid.

Just seeing this bastardized version of him should have broken you.

Should have driven you MAD, finally ready to run instead into the arms of death to see an afterlife with the real Cesar.

In the end, you fell in love with this creature.

All because he donned your boyfriend's face.

Cesar, the real one, might curse your name until you died and went to hell. For falling for the creature that killed him and wore his skin.

But as you lived and breathed, it was still love.

Your hands wound around his neck and you kissed his grotesque features, peppering his face.

He sunk into your affections like a cat.

You only smile.

"Do you have another name? Or will just petnames suffice?"

His cold, thin fingers stroke away your tears while his face morphed back into familiar territory.

"... Keep calling me Cesar until we'll pick a new name together."

You hummed, gently drawing him back under the covers. Body curling comfortingly around you.

Protective.

Solid.

... In the end, you still get to be with the man you loved more than anything so you were happy.

And now... So was he.