Suicide Mention - Blog Posts
Janis steals the team’s encrypted personnel files, which likely includes Ian attempt... idk how to feel about that
tw for suicide mention
(let me know if i missed any tags)
I love AllEraserMic as much as the next guy, but I also think the idea of Eraser fumbling the bag twice and having them end up together is the funniest thing in the world.
To the Heart of It
Pairing(s): Alternate! Cesar Torres X Gender Neutral! Reader
Summary: You try and tell yourself that you didn't lose the love of your life, you just have to keep believing that... But why is the alternate letting you believe your own lie?
A/N: Down the rabbit hole I go, I guess. I wanted to explore this idea so here, I probably won't be writing for the Mandela Catalogue again tho - I won't be taking requests.
(I also again do not have a blog for this, so I'm just posting it on my main.)
Warning(s): Angst. Mentions of Suicide and Character Death. Obsessive/Possessive Behavior. Body Horror.
When you came to see Cesar, worried about his lack of correspondence, you didn't even consider the alternates as an obstacle. There would be nothing getting in the way of you seeing him. Come hell or high water.
Bursting into the nearly empty house, you called his name over and over in search. Close to sobbing at the stabbing of anxiety every second you went on without knowing of he was okay.
Cesar's voice was low when it called to you, quiet as your name came from the end of the dark hallway.
You sprinted towards him without hesitation, arms swinging ariund his body. Enough to make him stumble and grunt in surprise.
Sobbing into his neck, you whisper, "I'm so happy..."
He was motionless before he cradled you in his arms.
You knew then that he wasn't Cesar.
Not quite anyway.
His voice would distort and shake between his sweet nothings.
His form, while sharing his face, was different depending on the day.
He'd come back smelling like blood.
But he always came back, always spent his time with you. Reciprocating your affections and "sleeping" in your arms, taking the time to run out to get supplies and make sure the house was stocked.
His laugh was the same, his voice was still gentle as it spoke to you.
He cradled you in his arms like you two were the only people in the world.
He still wasn't your Cesar Torres.
Just a monster wearing his skin.
It was nice to pretend.
But one winter night, tucked in the chest of the thing you knew killed the man you loved...
"I know you're not actually him." You whisper, staring at the swirling darkness at the edges of the room.
Still sleepy, even as the being behind you twitched.
"What do you mean?"
He almost sounded... Nervous.
"I know you're an alternate... I've known this whole time, the minute I heard you speak." You were so tired "... Why did you play along? Let me pretend?"
There was silence, oppressive and heavy. Lanky arms, that were much too powerful, curled tighter around your body.
In the whole of your heart, you couldn't call him an it.
His voice was fragmented, others interspersed between his soft tones.
"I was curious."
"Knew humans do a lot for their loved ones."
"Wanted to see why he loved you so much."
"Wanted to experience what it was like to be loved."
There was an extended silence and the whispers quieted.
"Cesar's" voice came, lips pressed to your ear. His voice was quiet, "Do you still love me?"
You peer into the shadows, your eyes welling with tears. Feeling very alone at the prospect of being left, arms like a vice around you. But he's still here.
He hasn't let go.
You would not cave to dying at your own hands.
Not when you seeked out the answer.
He knew that.
You turn.
His eyes were black as the void, dark and deep.
Your fingers curled around his cheek.
"Are you going to leave if I tell you that I do?" Your voice shook, fingers sweeping through his dark hair.
He shut his eyes, seemingly enjoying the feeling. Sighing quietly, though he is not breathing anymore. As there was no need to do it for show now thst you knew.
"No." His lashes were as dark and pretty as his hair having used photos to make sure he was close as he could be. "I don't think I can anymore."
Lips still soft as he kissed you, murmuring against your mouth. "You're mine now dearest lamb... I won't let you be taken by anything else. Other humans... My own kind... No one, not even yourself."
You whimpered against his lips but it's stamped out as he kissed you deeper, pressing you into the mattress.
"You've given... me a taste of love, made me... burn for you." He said in reverence, voice stalling occasionally "... I love you the way he did."
His face twisted a bit above you, stretching the features of the man you adored into frightening proportions. Smile stretched wide across his face.
"Will you still call me Cesar, dearest?... Can you still love me knowing I am not him?"
You peer at him.
Unafraid.
Just seeing this bastardized version of him should have broken you.
Should have driven you MAD, finally ready to run instead into the arms of death to see an afterlife with the real Cesar.
In the end, you fell in love with this creature.
All because he donned your boyfriend's face.
Cesar, the real one, might curse your name until you died and went to hell. For falling for the creature that killed him and wore his skin.
But as you lived and breathed, it was still love.
Your hands wound around his neck and you kissed his grotesque features, peppering his face.
He sunk into your affections like a cat.
You only smile.
"Do you have another name? Or will just petnames suffice?"
His cold, thin fingers stroke away your tears while his face morphed back into familiar territory.
"... Keep calling me Cesar until we'll pick a new name together."
You hummed, gently drawing him back under the covers. Body curling comfortingly around you.
Protective.
Solid.
... In the end, you still get to be with the man you loved more than anything so you were happy.
And now... So was he.
fUCKIN' MOOD
I SWEAR
I might write something for this, I'm not super into the game but this concept makes me fuckin CACKLE
sometimes i wonder, like, what the brothers would do/how they would react to a younger mc (younger meaning ‘97-’01) because,, gen z is absolutely fucking wild. and nobody seems to take that into account, ever.
like, an m/c coming from the human world where half the shit they say is self deprecating (”why am i so dumb? why am i Literally dumb of Ass?”), a suicidal thought (”i am so fucking Sick of being alive.” “the only person who gets to kill me is ME.”), violent (”the next person who tries to tell me that oatmeal raisin cookies are acceptable is getting my foot broken off in their Ass.”), dramatic (”i thought we were out of salsa and, not gonna lie, i wanted to commit a hate crime.”) scarily intelligent (”capitalism is a heinous machine in which all cogs will be ground into dust while trying desperately to feel important and people will Never realize that their ceaseless hard work is absolutely no match for corporate juggernauts and a handful of bigwigs. yeehaw!”)
like,,, what would the brothers even be able to Do or Say to shit like that? what do you do when you, a centuries old, immortal being, are faced with a young, fragile human, who fears no man, no god and certainly not death . the only person who could come Close to being unfazed is Levi, but imagine luci.
imagine he says something to m/c and he caught them in a mood and they just look at him with eyes that swallow everything in their path and they go, “sure, jan.” or the inevitable “ok, Boomer.” and luci just realizes that he is Not dealing with your average, god fearing human and that dia has stuck him with an emotional juggernaut who, if given the chance, would completely and thoroughly gut any and all forms of authority - and he Knows this because they told him.
satan absolutely Adores them though and constantly whisks them away to pick their brain because, finally, someone he likes who he can have intelligent conversations with-
definitely more of this to come because my brain likes to run fucking LAPS for these boys
As someone who's been suicidal and has harmed themselves it's good to show awareness and about this kind of stuff and to show people that they're not alone so please if anyone out there is suicidal or self-harms please just try and resist it no matter how harmless it may be please don't do it if just for today, you are loved by many people and people you'll meet someday because you are wonderful❤️❤️❤️
October is ADHD awareness month! 🎉
The memory issues ADHD causes are some of the scarier and more frustrating parts of living with it - so here’s a set of reaction doodles that all my fellow ADHD peeps are welcome to use whenever anybody decides to comment on your forgetfulness ^
US Helplines:
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
UK Helplines:
Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk
b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk
b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669
Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868
FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:
Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
Australia: 13-11-14
Austria: 01-713-3374
Barbados: 429-9999
Belgium: 106
Botswana: 391-1270
Brazil: 21-233-9191
China: 852-2382-0000
(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)
Costa Rica: 606-253-5439
Croatia: 01-4833-888
Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67
Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908
Denmark: 70-201-201
Egypt: 762-1602
Estonia: 6-558-088
Finland: 040-5032199
France: 01-45-39-4000
Germany: 0800-181-0721
Greece: 1018
Guatemala: 502-234-1239
Holland: 0900-0767
Honduras: 504-237-3623
Hungary: 06-80-820-111
Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
Israel: 09-8892333
Italy: 06-705-4444
Japan: 3-5286-9090
Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292
Malaysia: 03-756-8144
(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)
Mexico: 525-510-2550
Netherlands: 0900-0767
New Zealand: 4-473-9739
New Guinea: 675-326-0011
Nicaragua: 505-268-6171
Norway: 47-815-33-300
Philippines: 02-896-9191
Poland: 52-70-000
Portugal: 239-72-10-10
Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
Spain: 91-459-00-50
South Africa: 0861-322-322
South Korea: 2-715-8600
Sweden: 031-711-2400
Switzerland: 143
Taiwan: 0800-788-995
Thailand: 02-249-9977
Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
Ukraine: 0487-327715
(Source)
every chonny jash song is like *voice with the most autotune and layering possible* ME AT THE SUICIDE STORE *the fastest drums youve ever heard in your life* *voices in the background saying some words you arent really sure are real* ohhh my fucking god theyre arguing again *RANDOM XYLOPHONE* were like jekyll and hyde if there were 3 Of Them. and then you look at his directors commentary and hes like “gonna be honest i dont fucking know what i was doing either”