LITERALLY MY BIGGEST PROBLEM OMG

Locking in so hard for May, even if I don’t get to my UGW by June I’m getting to BMI 14.

I’m gonna fast 3 days a week minimum, laxatives everyday especially on non fasting days, stay under 450 cals a day, get at least 25g protein on non fasting days, 20k steps and 20 minutes Pilates a day + 30 minute strength training on non fasting days.

It seems unrealistic and I know I’m gonna lose motivation by the end of the week but I will persevere and stick to this plan, I can’t let another month go by no closer to my goal. This is all I have ever wanted, and I will get it.

RAHHH I’ve only gotten 10k steps today but I’m so tireddd I need some motivation

Okay I changed my mind it’s too stressful I’m sticking with my current meal plan

oh my god and I just remembered that im going to the doctors tomorrow and they might weigh me, what if I gain from eating so much today, I wanted to be underweight by the time I got weighed by a doctor again, how the fuck am I going to lose a kilo and a half overnight.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with exercise guilt? I’m liquid fasting and too exhausted to get even 10k steps today when I usually get 20k a day and it’s killing me, I’ve tried my hardest to at least burn off the calories from my energy drink but at this point I don’t even have the energy to stand up for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Guys fhis is a new low, not only did I spend yesterday and today binging because I was with my friend but when I tried to purge it up just now I missed the toilet bowl and projectile vomited all over my bathroom (didn’t even get much up anyways so it was a waste of time).

I’m so done, I don’t even know what to do at this point I’m just so ashamed. I want this all to stop I want someone to help me but I can’t bring myself to ask for help because I’m too fat and not sick enough to warrant even needing any help. My only hope is death, but I don’t want to die fat, but I can’t keep living like this.

It’s really hit me over the past couple days how much my disordered eating has taken over my life, it’s like I no longer have a personal life outside of it. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep all I can think about is food and weight, I spend my days inside rather rotting in my bed scrolling through ED content or I’m walking for hours on end, waiting for tomorrow to come to see if I’m any closer to my GW. I don’t have any hobbies and I self isolate, going days without talking to anyone besides my immediate family.

I don’t even know how to feel, it’s like I don’t feel anything at all. I’m honestly pretty ambivalent to it, in retrospect it’s depressing but like Im still fat, it’s only been 7 weeks since I relapsed and I don’t feel like I’m sick enough, I still have so far to go and so much to lose.

Update on the sushi situation from last night, I did end up eating it and something else which I deeply regret although if my calculations were right with the sushi I did stay under 500 cals. I hate how easily I gave into desire, I feel like I have no discipline whatsoever. To make up for breaking my fast early I’m going to fast for the entire weekend and maybe Monday, and work out even harder. God I hate myself.

woke up, weighed myself and now I’m 50.7kg/BMI 17.5 MAINTAINING FOR 2 DAYS WAS SO WORTH IT LOWEST WEIGHT HERE I COME

omfg just wasted 100 cals on an unfulfilling bland as wrap I’m gonna lose it this is why I stick to my OMAD routine