Day 3 Of Fasting, Feeling Too Depressed To Get My Steps In Yet Again So I’m Just Gonna Keep Going And

Going to the movies with my friend tonight so I’m just gonna have a monster until then, and OMAD a little bit of popcorn/snacks we get there and hope and pray I have enough discipline not to go overboard with it :)

Time feels so slow when you’re restricting, the past week has felt like the equivalent of an entire month.

I’ve done almost everything to debloat today if I don’t wake up at least a kilo lighter i genuinely may go jump in front of a bus

Feeling very fat and fake today, it’s 1pm and I’ve only taken 3,500 steps today when I would usually be at least at 6000 by now. I’ve had an energy drink and I look so bloated. I’m not good enough, not sick enough, and all I want to do is cry and fast but I have fucking work.

GUESS WHO WOKE UP UNDER 50KG FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR, CAN I HEAR A ROUND OF APPLAUSE !! (I’m so happy I could cry)

I have been so productive today omg I wrote an entire essay and already got 10k+ steps and have stayed under 400 calories so far 💪💪

RAHH I’ve had this pain in my back right ribs for days now and it’s making walking so painful 😔

Ate way over my calorie limit today so I will be taking half a box of laxatives I cannot gain again

I want to up my intake to 800 a couple days a week so I can speed up my metabolism and get more protein in but I did it today and I feel horrible and out of control and like I’m going to gain so much weight. I don’t know how or if I’m going to be able to do it to be honest, and even worse, I’m having a big sleepover with my friends this weekend and I’m sure there will be so much food. I want to cry, I can’t do this, why can’t this weight just get the fuck off of me already.

I just finished having the worst binge episode of my life. I’ve gone from 51.9kg to 56kg in the span of 2 days, consumed more than 10,000 calories, 3k at least in the past hour.

It was so disgusting, I sat on the floor shoving food down my throat, throwing up then continuing eating. It spilled everywhere, ice cream all though my carpet, all through my clothes. I tried to purge it out but nothig came up but drool. I sat in that, the drool, leftover throw up and food for what felt like 30 minutes. My stomach hurts, it looks disgusting and I’ve lost my thigh gap.

I was 2 weeks binge free, and now I’ve gone and messed it all up. I don’t even know what to do. My only plan is to take all my laxatives, walk until my legs give out, and cut myself.

I’m never eating again.