An Essay On ALW's Erik

#oh boy #i forgive Ramin for so much based on how he acted out this one moment

Filing An Emotional Distress Claim Against Earl Carpenter's Phantom for:

How softly he whispers "sing" during the title song.

Nearly putting his arms around Katie Knight Adams while singing "soooarrr" during MOTN but chickening out.

The emphasis he puts on "lead me save me from ~my solitude~"

Hands (see items 5-9):

Directing Christine (and honestly the music) during the title song like he's literally pulling the melody/sex out of her.

Doing that wrist twist thing during the cape twirl and MOTN.

Doing all the things during PONR.

Always holding Christine's head/hair during the kiss and sometimes even putting his hand on her cheek. [Melts.]

Reaching for Christine when she returns because he thinks she's coming back for him only to try to refuse the ring when she gives it back.

Falling to his knees during the ring return and offering the ring to her AGAIN?!?! This is very intentional infliction of emotional distress wtf!!

Going all the way to the floor like a baby during the whole "go now and leave me" sequence.

Reaching through the damn portcullis with the damn veil in hand while singing "you alone can make my song take flight."

The fact that he came back to the West End for a limited run in 2023 and destroyed us all over again.

And then ended that 2023 limited run with the ultimate sad wet cat "noooo" after the ring return in the final lair. Who let this happen?!?

So honestly this is a respondeat superior case bc the producers of POTO allowed Earl Carpenter to victimize us all in the 2000s and then brought him back aged like fine wine just to find devastating new ways of milking our tear ducts all over again.

This has to be actionable. My lawyers will be in touch.

Not sure what I just experienced watching the restaged POTO tour, but now I need to revisit David Shannon bootlegs to help me recover.

Oh. Ok 😭

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ

Franz Kafka, from a letter to Milena Jesenka featured in "Letters to Milena,

Chapter 2 is live!!

Some random thoughts in the void as I try to work through wtf I actually want to do with this fanfic:

“Think of Me” is the first song I heard from POTO before I was even properly introduced to the show. But once I watched Phantom in full, I realized how much of an “odd man out” the song is. I get that it serves an introductory function and that it’s basically a Christine/Raoul leitmotif, but even so it doesn’t seem to feature much in the musical overall.

And I guess this fanfic retelling is taking up the song in a completely different vein and asking what the story would look like if “Think of Me” was a potential leitmotif for Christine and Erik. What if Erik and Christine had encountered each other in one set of circumstances, gone their separate ways, and then reconnected and “remembered” each other—but with a new set of emotions and challenges?

Maybe I’m just trying to extract an Erik/Christine ship 😅. But also want to gently explore whether it’s possible for Erik’s Angel of music/father figure act to be meaningful for the both he and young Christine and not just loaded with manipulation and grooming. And I feel like the only way that’s even slightly possible is for her to actually have room to grow up and come back to the opera house as a woman.

Maybe it won’t work but 😂🥴

Rewatching Lindsey Ellis's review of Love Never Dies.

I honestly love this play so much. Not even because it's so bad it's good (it's really a little too boring for that). But because I used to write terrible POTO fanfiction when I was like... 8? And at least half my terrible ideas somehow made it into this way-past-its-prime fanservicey sequel.

"Erik has a son" is a complete nonsense pandering idea that undoes the character arcs of the first play's ending. And now people have to argue in the affirmative why it's not canon. It taught me that "real artists" plagiarize fans, and that nothing is too stupid to be made. And that's honestly the best gift I've ever been given.

It's why I'm so confident about "Slippin Kimmy". Love Never Dies taught me to stop worrying if I'm good enough and embrace this affectionate cynicism about art and the entertainment industry.

New fandom level unlocked: I officially have an AO3 account.

POTO retelling loading. And maybe I'll even overcome my trauma and restart the Jane Eyre fanfic I lost more than a decade ago when my computer was stolen.

Thinking about how Erik wasn't just left alone by people, but also had no support system in the century he was born. His traumas would never be taken seriously (specially considering the men in his time), his mental illness would never be treated, he would probably be locked in an asylum and endure horrific torture if he ever tried to search for help. His abusers were protected by this very system and got away with everything they did to him. He was left down by everyone, even in his family, anywhere he went he was met with abuse, discrimination and ableism, and there was no way to escape this monstrous society other than hiding from it.

Thinking about no matter how much Leroux evidenced Erik's humanity, his nuances, the good he was capable of making, how his crimes were circumstantial (and in a lot of cases even forced), but not from thoughtless sadistic satisfaction, how he had no chance of living as a normal person in the world that casted him out like a 'monster'... he will always be a "villain" in the eyes of so many people. Because it's easier to blame one single person that already doesn't have anything or anyone and is already down on his misery, poverty and trauma, than to aknowledge the very system and society that forced him to live that way. It's easier to create an enemy that won't be accepted by anyone as anything other than an enemy, an 'other'.

Just thinking about how tragic and sadly realistic Erik is.