Lol Is It Good?

Look, I'm very excited to see Jordan Donica in the Gilded Age, but all I know is THIS BETTER NOT INTERFERE WITH MY DARKEST DREAMS OF HIM PLAYING THE PHANTOM FOR THE NORTH AMERICAN TOUR. Listen to the voice. Look at the hands. Imagine the pants!! This man was made to play the Phantom. He is the second coming of Davis Gaines or Howard McGillan in the making.

Whoever is in charge...whoever I need to contact, petition, or pray to...MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

Oh. Ok 😭

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ

really is soooo sick that ppl think that overuse of the em dash is a marker of ai now. like why are you people sullying the reputation of my beautiful beautiful wife. if im not overusing em dashes im dead. im like that chuck tingle book thats like the sentient lesbian em dash makes sweet love to me or whatever

Rewatching Lindsey Ellis's review of Love Never Dies.

I honestly love this play so much. Not even because it's so bad it's good (it's really a little too boring for that). But because I used to write terrible POTO fanfiction when I was like... 8? And at least half my terrible ideas somehow made it into this way-past-its-prime fanservicey sequel.

"Erik has a son" is a complete nonsense pandering idea that undoes the character arcs of the first play's ending. And now people have to argue in the affirmative why it's not canon. It taught me that "real artists" plagiarize fans, and that nothing is too stupid to be made. And that's honestly the best gift I've ever been given.

It's why I'm so confident about "Slippin Kimmy". Love Never Dies taught me to stop worrying if I'm good enough and embrace this affectionate cynicism about art and the entertainment industry.

Phantoms: Sad Wet Cat or Crazy Bitch?

Inspired by this tweet by @glindaupland (i think). May delete because, well...

Earl Carpenter: Duh, the OG sad wet cat OG.

Kevin Gray: Definitely a crazy bitch, but makes me a sad wet cat watching him.

Ian Jon Bourg: Sad wet cat pretending to be a crazy bitch.

Tim Martin Gleason: Name a difference between his final lair and a kitten left out in the rain?

Hugh Panaro: Psycho bitch who becomes a sad wet cat for 1.5 seconds when he says "my angel."

Davis Gaines: Sad wet crazy bitch.

JOJ: Crazy wet cat.

David Thaxton: Is a crazy bitch because he's a sad wet cat.

Ramin Karimloo: Extra crazy bitch. No cat in him whatsoever, unfortunately.

Jeremy Stolle: Was a sad wet cat in his early days as an understudy but graduated to crazy bitch and sex god in the 2020s.

Greg Mills: People literally call him finger lickin' Greg...but he's still a wet cat.

Ben Crawford: Crazy bitch who swears he's not crazy.

David Shannon: Sad wet cat who is also injured.

John Cudia: Sad wet cat who makes my cat w—*phone dies*

I know the world is a cruel place because Peter Karrie and Anthony Warlow are among the best to ever play the Phantom and yet there's only like 2.5 near-complete boots between them.

The Winged Victory of Samothrace J.E. Schuler, Masterpieces of Sculpture

My Favorite Phantoms in 1-2 Sentences

[Once again no particular order but this list includes most of my faves minus Killian Donnelly and TMG.]

John Owen Jones: Yes, I sob loudly whenever I watch that '05 performance with Rachel Barrell. And?

Gary Mauer: The best vocal Phantom imo, argue about it with someone else. Phans love him paired with his wifey Beth Southard as Christine, but that final lair kiss with Marie Danvers is unmatched (iykyk).

Earl Carpenter: His Erik was in love with Christine the whole time, idc idc. Top 3 final lair performer in his early run and I can't even tell you who's ahead of him tbqh.

Peter Karrie: There is literally NO Phantom like him in the history of the role and his '98 boot is the most heartbreaking performance I've ever watched. But is it ableist that his Phantom is so savant/autistic coded?

Hugh Panaro: Master of the hair slick and self caress; lord of the portcullis sprawl; perfector of the whispered "I love you" and "my angel." Holds your entire soul in a psycho death grip from "insolent boy" and doesn't let go until the curtain goes down.

Kevin Gray: Mix together Peter Karrie, Hugh Panaro, and a dash of Crawford and you get Kevin Gray. That's a deranged, hair-raising, and completely magical equation.

Ramin Karimloo: Gets disproportionate hype because of the 25th anniversary performance but his 25th anniversary performance is still worth the hype??

John Cudia: There are three ingredients to a Cudia performance: softness, sadness, and sexiness. He may not blow you away if you like your Phantom unhinged, but he will bring those three things every time.

Howard McGillin: Starts out classic and suave but ends the show completely broken with all the feels. Also a banging vibrato if that's your thing.

David Thaxton: The theater gods reward a risk taker, and Thaxton has so many unique touches that I admire his commitment even if I'm ambivalent about some of his choices.

Edit because I forgot Davis Gaines [HOW could I forget Davis Gaines??]: My second favorite Phantom voice behind Gary Mauer, even though they're totally different. He just has such a deep and hypnotizing baritone that's offset so perfectly by some of his vulnerable acting choices.

[More phantoms here and here.]

I know the thesaurus abhors seeing me draw nigh