Why Is It That Every Time You Go Back And Rewatch A Show From Your Childhood There’s Always At Least

nightmare -- [b. swan]

Notes: okay so, this is going to be aprox. eleven-ish (counting the epilogue) chapters. It’s going to be a character study plus plot and obviously BAMF! Bella.

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it is so easy to fuck with geralt now that yennefer is friends with jaskier

she'll just roll her shoulders and kinda grimace and jaskier will be like "what's wrong?" and she's like "nothing, really, just kind of sore..." and he'll go to her side and offer a massage just like that and she'll sigh, thank him, then look at geralt with the smugest look on her face

geralt will just break whatever he's holding and be so confused why he's upset

and yennefer has never had more fun in her life

they were so funny for this

Was no one gonna tell me that fucking blaine was in a very potter musical?????

Fine, but first...

Something flickered in Jaskier's eyes; the journey of a decision, start to finish, and then the bard huffed a breath, shoulders slumping.

"Fine. But first," he uttered, almost thoughtful, turning away.

He spun quick enough that all he had time to register was the flash of surprise on Geralt's face before he punched him, knuckles meeting his jaw in a move that undoubtedly hurt the musician more than the Witcher.

"Cock, bollocks and a Witcher's cunt!" the bard yelped, shaking out his hand. His captors hadn't even removed his rings and he was certain they were embedded forever on his fingers.

Geralt blinked slowly, one hand coming up lethargically.

"I'm not sure what I'm more surprised by," Geralt murmured, touching a fingertip to the blood dripping from his nose. "The fact that you just punched me, or that it was a decent hit.”

Jaskier stayed sullenly silent, clutching his hand to his chest with a scowl.

"Let me check your hand," Geralt sighed, reaching for him.

"Don't fucking touch me, you utter horse's arse!" Jaskier shrieked, slapping his hand away.

"Jaskier–"

"Don't Jaskier me!" the bard refuted again, and Geralt raised a brow, grinding his teeth.

"Julian, then?" he growled. "Sandpiper, perhaps? What should I call you if not your name?"

Jaskier fell silent, staring wild-eyed at him. "I'm not–"

"Stupid and kind hearted enough to take on Nilfgaard's purges?" Geralt challenged, voice soft. "It's exactly the sort of thing the Jaskier I know would do."

"You don't know me," Jaskier laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "What's my favorite color, Geralt? What flower am I allergic to, hm? What did I study at Oxenfurt, even? When's my birthday?"

"Blue. You're not allergic to any flowers; you ate dog’s bane, which is poisonous to everything. You studied historical poetry and the art of lyrical literature in your first year, song-smithing and composing in your second and the lute for three, alongside several other string instruments, but the lute is your favorite.

Your birthday is Belleteyn, and you tell everyone it gives you magical fucking skills, even though that's horseshit. You hate ginger root and some prick called Valdo Marx and being cold and the first song you ever wrote was called Dixie's Dandy Dally."

He'd started off angry, mettle meeting mettle, but by the time he was done his voice was level, almost fearful, chest heaving for breath as he met Jaskier’s stunned gaze.

"You talk. A lot," he ground out evenly. "So much I sometimes imagine cutting out your tongue. But when you talk; I listen. I've listened to you for over twenty years, Jaskier."

“You didn’t know me enough not to send me away,” Jaskier whispered, gaze falling. “You didn’t care enough.”

“I cared too much. And I destroy the things I care about,” Geralt answered. He reached out slowly, palm open; invitation. “If you’d let me, I’d like to try and fix what I’ve broken.”

Silent deliberation. After a moment, Jaskier heaved a forceful exhale and raised his bruising hand.

“Perhaps you’d like to start with my knuckles, then?”

best non canon ships in twilight

these are my personal favorite ships. if i rewrote twilight, these are the ships I’d include, as well as the little bit of plot i list to explain the ship.

bella x rosalie: obviously these two belong together and also rosalie is given actual character outside of “blonde bitch” in my rewrite. they have a baby but when it happens they’re ready for it and also no one imprints on it. they are perfect mothers

edward x emmett: in my version rosalie did save emmett, but he turned out to not Feel Like That for rosalie; however, he thought eddie boy was fine af, so they got together instead. rosalie spends a century by herself instead of edward (yes it’s sad but plot)

leah x angela: must i explain this one?? they meet via bella and jake’s friendship and they crush on each other for a long time but start dating by the third book

alice x jessica: HEAR ME OUT. jasper and alice have NO CHEMISTRY. they can’t be together. also alice loves to dress bella up and bella hates it. If alice had jessica to spoil with clothes and makeup, they’d both be thrilled. alice would go all out to make jessica happy and they’d be the perfect couple. thank you for your time

charlie x billy x carlisle: carlisle was turned as a 35+ year old in this version of twilight so it’s not weird. they have a huge subplot and in the end charlie decides he loves both of them so a poly V it is. esme exists, but more as like a best friend to carlisle, like platonic co-parents.

tanya x esme: two vampire moms kicking butt. enemies to lovers, but like way before the plot starts. they spend a lot of time apart but are very in love.

kate x jasper: garrett still comes around and it’s a big love triangle and in the end jasper and garrett run off together. kate is sad obviously but then she meets victoria (bc victoria realizes james was manipulating her and when he dies she’s like oh hell yah i’m free) and they fall in love

jake x mike newton: (this one is kind of a joke.) head canon that mike is young for his grade so he’s like 16 and jacob is 15/16 so they’re the same age. mike is so immature that this feels like it might as well be canon. they meet in new moon just like in canon, and both guys realize they think the other guy is way cooler than bella, so they both move on from her and pursue one another. they’re shy tho so bella is the unwilling middle man. she feels like a high schooler helping middle schoolers out

Irina x Laurent: technically this is canon but we never actually see them together so like i ship them and they’re together the entire series

Jaskier meets Lambert after the mountain and they quickly become friends.

Lambert complains to Jaskier about not getting enough contracts recently, because people think of him as "foul mouthed and rude". Jaskier offers to help him with that.

Jaskier takes Lambert's clothes and swords and starts introducing himself as a Witcher. Jaskier does the talking part, getting a lot of contracts and even higher pay. Then Lambert does the monster-killing part. In the end, Jaskier comes back, dressed as a Witcher again, collecting the coin.

They go on like this for almost half a year, having fun and earning lots of coin.

Until one day, when Jaskier and Lambert arrive at a small town, looking for another contract. Jaskier goes to the town's mayor, dressed as a Witcher, and offers his services.

The town's mayor greets him with a smile. "Oh, I'm so glad you came here! We could use another Witcher on this!"

Jaskier blinks in confusion. "Another Witcher?"

He turns around and sees Geralt, sitting on a chair by the door, staring at him with his mouth open.

Okay, so I feel like there could be a situation where Percy’s mortal friends (come on, he has at least one or two) end up getting dragged into godly matters by mistake and so they learn Percy is a demigod. Naturally, this is very shocking for them. Well. One of them. The other is pretty chill about it.

At any rate, I'm just picturing them somehow on Olympus and then you get an interaction like:

Friend 1: wait so you're part GOD?!

Percy: uhhh, well-

Friend 2: that explains the weird cursing. Who says ‘Holy Hera’?

Friend 1: Like a GOD?

Percy: *awkward smile*

Friend 2: which god?

Friend 1: A GOD?! Is it a super powerful god?

Percy: oh. uh-

Friend 1: Well?!?!

Percy, looking at Poseidon but also trying to be humble af: um. He’s alright...

Poseidon:

Percy: I mean, he is- like, powerful. Obviously. Being a god and all.

Friend 2: is he more powerful than the average god?

Percy: ummmmm what even is the average god?

Friend 1: omg that makes him sound powerful. Are you a powerful god’s kid?

Percy: no! I mean- sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean that! I meant- he’s, like, uh- well. Okay. Look. He...he is a sea god. So. There's that.

Friend 1: HE IS THE SEA GOD?!?!

Percy: there are actually lots of sea gods!

Friend 2: but is he the one everyone talks about?

Percy: Triton from the little mermaid?

Friend 2: dude

Percy: I'm really trying here. Uh, a little help?

Poseidon: no

Percy:.....that’s fair.

Friend 2: just tell us if your dad is mega powerful

Percy: Fine. Yes. He is. Happy?

Friend 1: AH! Amazing! Are you powerful then?! Have you ever fought a god?

Percy: look, technically-

Friend 2: did you win?

Percy, looking at Ares: Stop. Asking. Questions.

Friend 1: omfg you kicked a god’s ass didn't you?? Who was it?

Percy: …..pls.

Annabeth: it was Ares

Friend 1:

Friend 2:

Friend 1: THE GOD OF WAR?!