They Were So Funny For This

The list of people who know that Robin 2 is now Red Hood is small but the Riddler is one of them and I’ll explain why

12 year old Jason as Robin: Hey Riddler! How do you confuse an idiot?

Riddler: How?

Jason: Bicycle

Riddler: That doesn’t make any sense

Jason: I guess we found the idiot then

Riddler: …

Riddler: When you die, I won’t send flowers to the funeral

Jason: You better check my grave yourself to make sure I’m really gone

~years later~

Red Hood: Hey Riddler

Red Hood: Looks like someone forgot to check my grave

the moon will sing a song for me i loved you like the sun!

literally me

I've seen a lot of PJO/SOA headcannons that Nico and Will are the reincarnations of Achilles and Patroclus. I've even seen fics about Chiron telling Nico and Will about training Patroclus and Achilles.

Hot take: Gay Dads Patrochilles who aggressively ship Solangelo

Nico has known Achilles in canon ever since the whole "swim in the Styx Percy it's totally safe" thing. And we know he spends a lot of time wandering around the safer parts of the Underworld - that's how he found Hazel.

Imagine he's visiting Elysium, catching up with old friends, and he runs into the legends themselves.

Achilles is moderately indifferent about it - at most Nico's that annoying kid who dragged him away from his eternity with Pat to ask about his mom (awkward). But Patroclus takes one look at this depressed boi and says "is anyone going to parent this sad gay child?" "Pat, that's Hades' son." "Not anymore."

And because it's Patroclus, he goes out of his way to get Nico to warm up to them. He makes point to talk to him and give advice and is genuinely glad to see him in a way that Nico never got at camp wasn't used to.

Achilles isn't surprised because Patroclus always had a thing for strays. The girls he rescued during the war, the dogs he snuck snacks to beneath the dinner table, even the younger demigods hanging around Elysium. Still, he pouts whenever bae pays attention to anyone other than him

"-we never got to have children Achilles, this could be our chance-"

Achilles melts

Admittedly Achilles has a lot in common with Nico. Both demigod princes burdened by prophecy, who often felt isolated from others due to their parentage. It's no wonder Pat likes him. And Achilles finds himself relating to this boy more than he expected.

Nico has no idea that he's been adopted. He's just more comfortable around the dead, that's all. That's why Pat is so easy to talk to and Achilles has warmed up to him - he's the King of Ghosts it's definitely some latent son of Hades ability that makes them like him.

They're actually part of what makes him consider leaving camp for the Underworld permanently. He never said it out loud, but the easy acceptance and care they offered was everything he'd been craving.

It makes the choice easy - until Will finds out and flips his shit.

"Will? Who's Will?"

Nico flushes and mutters something about Apollo and war paint and satyr babies before melting into shadows. Achilles turns to Pat with amusement "he takes after you philtatos."

The more they hear about 'Will' the more excited Pat is. He's a healer - he's making Nico eat healthier - he nags him about hiding injuries - he makes Nico smile. Every point seems to check a box in his favor.

Achilles is hesitant - even if Apollo reunited him with his love, he did so by killing him. And if anything hurt Nico, Pat would be devastated and furious ("-like you wouldn't be too Achilles just admit you like him-"). Nico tells him about Will's supersonic whistle and he's reluctantly impressed. Still, he's reluctant to grant blessings.

Achilles insists that Nico needs to bring Will to them to "judge his suitability as a therapon"

Pat smacks his head and reminds him that "-we're dead Achilles, he'd have to die to meet us-"

"-all the better to prove his devotion-"

"Achilles!"

Eventually Will does meet them, either because Nico escorted him to the Underworld or Nico summoned their spirits. Once meeting him, Achilles has a total change of heart. It's hard not to like the kid when he and Patroclus immediately start rambling on enthusiastically about different medical techniques and how Chiron's lessons have changed in the past few thousand years.

Achilles watches fondly as Pat beams at the sun child, who's gesturing wildly while explaining something called 'neurology'. There isn't much use for healing in the Underworld so his love rarely gets to indulge his passion like this.

A glance at Nico shows an equally soft expression on young prince's face and he thinks "alright this could work"

The deceased lovers immediately began ploting some way to bring the two together. Obviously they're limited as they can't leave the Underworld, but Nico visits so often that its easy to slip in some subtle hints - and even outright statements (Achilles' brand of subtlety isn't very subtle) - that they would be good together.

Nico is well aware of what they're up to and is both embarrassed and pleased by the support. This doesn't effect his relationship with Will much except giving him a much needed confidence boost that ended with him, pink faced but steady, asking Will to see the fireworks with him.

Nico's next visit to Elysium was announced as he tripped and stumbled out of the shadows, rushing up to a stunned Achilles to beg him for advice

"-and he said yes and I have no idea what to do-"

"You're asking me? I'm a warrior, not a charmer young prince"

"Yeah, but you still charmed Patroclus somehow so you must have done something-"

Achilles looks frantically at Pat for help, but his love is bent over in hysterics, struggling for air he no longer needs

... happily ever after?

This was longer than I thought it would be. So many people fanboy about Patrochilles, I just love the idea that they fanboy about someone else for once. And Nico needs a pair of supportive gay dads

Edit:

Nico: I can't believe I was adopted by Achilles and his boy toy

Zagreus: First time?

Nico: ... ????

Zagreus: Also, I'm pretty sure Achilles is the boy toy

(Nico also deserves a bamf poly/pan big brother)(and look Achilles has one in storage)(he enjoys cuddling with his various lovers)(long walks through the Fields of Asphodel)(and kicking the ass of the king of Athens)

When Nico and Will get engaged they go back to camp half blood to share the news. As they’re chatting and catching up a glowing sun appears over Nico’s head- the sign of Apollo. Everyone falters in confusion, including Chiron. Nonetheless he starts the whole “hail the son of Apollo” spiel when the symbol changes to a darker one, the sign of Hades. Chiron stops and starts again- “Hail the son of-“ He doesn’t get time to finish. The sign of Apollo flashes again. Sign of Hades. Sign of Apollo. Sign of Hades. Everyone is still in an awkward kneeling position except Will. Nico at this point has his head bowed in exasperation and his hand over his eyes. Will is stifling a laugh. The signs continue flipping in rapid succession. The sign of Apollo flashes one last time. There’s a pause.

The sign of Hades appears over Will’s head.

I hate the way the Cullens treat Bella, but Edward and Alice are especially despicable. What makes their leaving despicable to me (other than Edward destroying Bella’s already-nonexistent self esteem) was that they knew she wouldn’t do well, and they knew Victoria was out there. Sure, Edward could track her, but without Alice checking, she could have found Bella easy! Say Bella grows a backbone; what does she say when they crawl back to Forks?

On Bella's lack of anger on the Cullen's return to Forks and why the Cullens had decent reason to leave. Remember, in their defense, they did not know how Edward would handle the goodbye or just how dependent Bella was on them (when from their perspective they barely know the girl).

But onto your question.

The Set Up

Bella attempts suicide, Jake saves her, and Charlie is coincidentally at his good friend Harry Clearwater's funeral. Now, Bella was at a low so low that she committed suicide, almost on impulse, in the hopes she could see Edward Cullen's face.

She's not over this guy.

Had she been, the cliff jumping likely would not have happened and as a result Alice would not show up in Forks and the Cullens would not return. Edward might return on his own later to stalk her from the shadows like a dark protector, but that's a different story.

My point being, for your ask to work out (where the Cullens return so Bella can lecture them), we pretty much have to be in this timeline where Bella gets Super Ultra Character Development in the course of a few hours.

Jake gives her the pep talk of a life and Bella decides to live. The Cullens are never coming back, they left her to be eaten by vampires, and all she can do now is move forward with her life and try to live.

Then she blinks and Carlisle Cullen's car is in her driveway. Funny, how the moment she decides she's over them they suddenly show up.

Alice Shows Up

Turns out, it's not Carlisle, it's Alice. Bella who now remembers how to feel anger isn't sure how she feels about this. On the one hand, she's glad to see Alice. On the other hand, Alice has been ghosting her for months and of all the Cullens had to see how Bella has been doing.

Alice explains that it's all Edward's fault. You see, Bella, Edward told Alice to do it. Bella's... not really impressed with that.

On the one hand she's not sure if she wants Alice to leave (because then it means she really won't see the Cullens ever again, and despite her new outlook on life it's one thing to think it when they're already gone and another to actually do it herself) but on the other hand she's... very upset.

Between Bella's cool demeanor and Jacob being in the room the meeting is very awkward and very frosty. Bella and Alice eventually just stare at one another.

Alice tries to bring up Jake is a werewolf. Bella knows.

They stop talking after that.

The house gets the phone call, Jacob tells Edward that Charlie's at the funeral, and Alice gets her vision of all hell breaking loose. Alice needs to call in a favor.

And here's where Bella has to make a choice.

Choice A: LET THEM BURN

Alice tells Bella that they have to go to Volterra where the kings of the vampires live, as Edward is going to ask for assisted suicide, and if Edward sees Bella is alive he'll stop.

Alice doesn't come right out and say this is a death sentence for Bella but she does admit it's... dangerous.

Bella sits there and she thinks hard.

In this timeline, she says no.

She's a little confused on why Edward's committing suicide over this, given that she's effectively dead to him anyway, but what did he expect to happen? Bella's mortal, she's being hunted by vampires, she did almost drown today.

This is his choice and his survival shouldn't be dependent on whether Bella lives or not.

Especially since, in the process of saving Edward, Bella will very likely be murdered herself.

And Bella's tired. She's really, really, really tired.

Alice begs, points out that they're talking about life or death, that no matter how upset Bella is, if she does this, then Edward Cullen will die. However upset she is, surely Edward who she once loved so much isn't worthy of death.

True, Bella says, but Bella wants to live. Can Alice guarantee that if she goes to Italy?

Alice can't.

Alice desperately tries to concoct a backup plan. To get a hold of Carlisle to get a hold of the Volturi but as she foresaw, it doesn't work out. Edward is murdered for breaking the law and Bella never sees Alice nor any of the Cullens ever again.

Choice B: Bella Still Goes to Italy

Bella may be conflicted but Edward isn't deserving of death, especially not when (in a very round about way) it's her fault as she jumped off the cliff.

Bella goes to Italy with Alice, telling herself this will be the last time she sees any of them (as she did in canon, actually, Bella was convinced they'd all leave the moment this was done with).

Well, canon shenanigans happen, with Bella slightly less dazed at seeing Edward's beautiful non-hallucination face again. Bella, on meeting Aro, begins to realize that... something not good is happening.

On returning home from Forks, Edward begs Bella to take him back. She stalls.

If she says no, he'll leave, she knows that much now. If he leaves the entire family leaves, they have no other reason to stay. If he leaves then the Volturi will come for her and she'll either be their minion forever or they'll murder her.

If it's up to Caius, it'll probably be murder.

Bella asks to see Carlisle. Edward is very... displeased with this, but acquiesces (realizing he's on thin ice).

Bella asks Carlisle point blank what's to become of her. Carlisle admits that she has to become a vampire or die. The Volturi know about her, the best they can stall is a few months at best, and if she doesn't turn it's very likely Edward himself, maybe Carlisle, and maybe the entire coven will be murdered with her.

This is the price Bella pays for Edward having told her.

She never had a choice, doesn't even have one now for all she wants one. She and the Cullens are stuck together, bound by destiny, whether they like it or not.

There's no vote, there's no need for one, Bella tells Carlisle to turn her after graduation. She'll join the Cullens.

However, she's not going to like it and she'll make sure no one else likes it either. She refuses to take Edward back (certainly refuses to marry him) and instead resigns herself to her last few months as human (while Edward desperately tries to win her back, "BELLLLLLAAAAAA!")

The despair of rejection, of knowing what Bella's now becoming, and knowing it's all his fault, may drive Edward to Full Edward Madness where he mercy kills her. He may reattempt to kill himself by having Jacob do the honors this time (whether Jacob agrees or not flip a coin to decide). He may try to lay siege to the Volturi in order to free his lady love from her doomed fate. (All while the Cullens and the wolves have to deal with Victoria, of course).

Regardless, by the end of this, the coven will still be at seven members, between Edward and Bella only one will stay in the long term.

what are you even supposed to do when your friends who are dating kiss in front of you Like do i just stand there or

You’re really going to tell me that Alfred didn’t immediate slaughter the Joker for what he did to Jason???

Dude was into some spy shit

He could totally do it

Fuck Batman.

Alfred’s in charge