Masteroftheuniverseandeverything - It’s Me, I’m Bitches

the moon will sing a song for me i loved you like the sun!

yaehh

imagine s3 geralt getting his ass kicked then he gets knocked out and he wakes up to the people who just kicked his ass fighting someone else (there are at least six of them)

and theyre at a distance and his vision is still blurred so he cant see much, he just sees blood flying and hears grunts and cries of pain and cant exactly tell whos winning

then he sits up right when its down to two people and he can finally see when one of those people stabs the other in the neck with a dagger and

its jaskier.

jaskier.

and jaskier rushes over to him and the man barely has blood on him, as if he'd ever let his expensive clothes get permanently stained, and starts untying geralt and asking if hes okay and geralts looking all bewildered and jaskier notices and hes like

"what? did you think i wouldn't benefit from all those training sessions you forced me through?" jaskier asks, completely nonchalant, barely out of breath like he didn't just take down half a dozen men. "thank you for that by the way, really came in handy"

and geralt realizes in that moment

his best friend is insane

Okay but modern AU where Jaskier greencard marries Geralt’s ex, Yennefer, who he kinda hates, because she’s in trouble and he can’t resist helping people and also plans to hold it over her (in a bantery kinda way) and thinks it’ll be funny to rub in Geralt’s face when he inevitably comes crawling back to Yennefer.

They pass the interview with almost zero prep because it turns out back when they were jealous rivals for Geralt’s attention they learned way too much about each other. Then they have (supposed) hate sex when they’re drunk because 1. why not? 2. they’re both curious and 3. they’re both still kinda pissed off at Geralt the booze make it seem like the perfect revenge. 

Jaskier finds inexpressible amounts of glee in referring to Yennefer as his “ball and chain” and “old lady” and other unflattering nicknames for a spouse, and Yennefer enjoys ruining his every attempt at getting laid by waiting for him to make a pass, then storming up and slapping him and bursting into tears about him “ruining their marriage” by betraying his loving wife.

Then they sleep together again because neither of them is getting laid and they’ll each begrudgingly admit the other is good in bed (Yennefer says it’s the only time his incessant strumming is enjoyable).

Then the next thing they know they’re horrified to discover they’ve been in a committed sexual relationship with all the appearance of a romantic relationship for several months. They haven’t had a genuine fight since… well, Jaskier can’t remember. And Yennefer’s been at nearly every gig he’s played since they got married, and he’s got into a routine of giving her a foot rub when she drops onto the sofa after work, and the love song he wrote about her that was intended to annoy her has started to sound distressingly genuine no matter what he does, and Yennefer was terribly rude to Valdo when they ran into him and may or may not have keyed his car, and really, they’re better at being married than either of their parents were. They’re pretty good at being married full stop to be honest, and that’s when they’re not even trying.

And okay, so maybe he kinda doesn’t hate her after all. Maybe.

The weirdest guy I ever met in a church was this boy who referred to “Buzz Aldrin and his husband” going to the moon. I was completely baffled, and when I asked if he’d misspoken, he got really angry and accused me of being deliberately ignorant of the facts. It turned out that he was somehow comvinced that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were married. It took five Wikipedia articles to convince him otherwise.

When Nico and Will get engaged they go back to camp half blood to share the news. As they’re chatting and catching up a glowing sun appears over Nico’s head- the sign of Apollo. Everyone falters in confusion, including Chiron. Nonetheless he starts the whole “hail the son of Apollo” spiel when the symbol changes to a darker one, the sign of Hades. Chiron stops and starts again- “Hail the son of-“ He doesn’t get time to finish. The sign of Apollo flashes again. Sign of Hades. Sign of Apollo. Sign of Hades. Everyone is still in an awkward kneeling position except Will. Nico at this point has his head bowed in exasperation and his hand over his eyes. Will is stifling a laugh. The signs continue flipping in rapid succession. The sign of Apollo flashes one last time. There’s a pause.

The sign of Hades appears over Will’s head.

Marinette Vs Santa: The Rematch

Seven people requested a continuation of the Part 1 and I just gave in. I hope you like. I’m not big on writing sequels. So please let me know if its good.

When the news broke that billionaire Bruce Wayne’s daughter Marinette was dating the Roy, the son of billionaire Oliver Queen, it was like the world paused.

It was bigger than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Bigger than the royal wedding; both of them.

Bigger than the twilight love affair.

The Angel Marinette, the newfound princess of Gotham, dating the wayward Bad boy Roy, the prince of Star City.

Roy was handsome, really smart, funny, had a kickass attitude, played guitar and soccer, and loved animals; at least that’s what Jason told her Because Marinette had never met the guy.

Keep reading

what are you even supposed to do when your friends who are dating kiss in front of you Like do i just stand there or

Just because I'm AroAce doesn't mean I don't want a relationship. I want one, only instead of it being like Marshall and Lily from "How I Met Your Mother", I want one like Penelope and Derek from "Criminal Minds". Full of name-calling and innuendo, that shocks people and makes them feel scandalized and completely platonic.