Send A Symbol - Get The Following From My Muse ;

𝐒𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒. seoul nights grow hotter despite the chill of the running air conditioner and jina awakes with a fever start. it’s a gasp, a startle, star-dusted eyes and a mumbled curse that detaches her from the realm of sleep. her dreams fizzle to an end and her memory grows hazy. what had just happened never comes to and she finds herself disoriented as the darkness of the room fills her vision. seoul skylines do nothing to faze her, lights strung behind closed windows as jina looks around her room like she’s on display. feigned surprise at the stillness, the emptiness that decorated walls and pale pinks hold stare back at her and jina feels it deepen her reality. distracted eyes glance at looming red and the time fucks with her because she has an eight o’clock divination lecture tomorrow that she’s not looking forward to, at all, and she’s headed straight for raccoon eyes the size of mars. she’s parched, not looking forward to tomorrow and there’s a dull ache somewhere in her body that she wishes not to place. a sigh falls and she’s staring at the ceiling. 

it’s bothersome, the itch in her throat grows; the ache in her body dulls and she mulls over her options before swinging dainty feet off her bed; silk following suit as she replaces sheets with the fluff of her dolce slippers. they take her away, of a hallway of closed doors and dim lights. of silence and buzzing static at a different side of the home. her destination: kitchen -- where the stars actually take her: jungmi. the other’s words are warmth personified, made to wrap her in the lushest fabrics, of a love she longs for but never fully attains. but it’s enough -- it has to be because wanting for nothing never amounts for any good: jina would know. she knows this too well. she doesn’t say much, and jina never needs to -- not with jungmi. because jungmi has good sense, she has jina’s best intentions at heart -- for jina, jungmi is her salvation and without her, she is lost. for jina, she can let all the walls and tiresome dilemmas crash to her feet and the burden of teenage adolescent angst surface. what she toils, she effortlessly drops for jungmi to pick up the pieces because for jina, jungmi was always there to fix her when everything was lost. 

when there was no one left to put her back together again. 

so she hugs her tight, when knees sink into scattered papers and her footsteps leave blind prints; falling into an embrace as she digs her head into the other’s neck and feels the tears turn in her eyes. “jihye’s back,” she whispers against flawless skin, like an omen breathed to life. she feels the words take her back to stricken voices, a slap against skin and heated tears on her cheeks; she feels them and bites back a sharp breath.

to a glance it’s utter chaos, the sprawl of books and technology, from folders, to notebooks, her recorder and work laptop. but there’s a precise measure to this chaos ( she had began at her desk across the room and slowly but surely, ran out of room ) then again, if you’re a kwak currently living within the posh kwak condo jidam shelled out for, the sight of jungmi dispersed across any surface of the apartment she feels like ( often being a broad portion of ground in any given room ) isn’t abnormal. surrounded by her proliferation of work materials, with her reading glasses that seem to come with an extra feature, as she had never put them on before without her face immediately scrunching into a serious frown. as if they were equipped with a spell to turn jungmi’s expression sour with focus. a pencil on hand for scribbling ( not a pen; she had learned that lesson, when her idly habit of chewing on the ends while thinking too hard, had burst one before ) and a tape recorder shoved into the small pocket in the front breast pocket of her t-shirt. there’s a manic kind of calm about her, a humming bird at rest, bursts of movement in between the serenity and soft hum of concentration. 

whatever sound it is that originates from the door, she doesn’t even glance up. from her near yoga-like post, bent over at the waist as she scribbles down a messy scribble of heterogeneous thoughts, something to refine later, before it can escape her tired mind. “hmm?” she hums by way of a greeting, more of a question of why someone has come for her in the first place after she had shrieked across the house like a warning bell that she was going to start working hours earlier. she doesn’t even know which sibling it is, her gaze pinpointed intently at the hangul she scratches across the page in a mess, “unnie is working on something, sorry, gimme a sec,” she explains lightly as she finishes up her sentences and stretches, unwinds her spine out, throwing the pencil as she turns towards the door with an expectant ( admittedly soft, but drained and tight ) expression, “did you come to bug me?” she teases, twice as hard when it’s @mmjina she spots and everything sisterly and warm from within her sparks like a low light ( it had only gotten stronger since the disappearance and reappearance of jihye, her appreciation for jina doubling, and then strangely, tripling ) (( at least jina wouldn’t leave her )) her eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile ( no teeth because she’s just a little too exhausted, not just the time of night but the subject matter of her assignment exacting its due ) and she manages a scrunch of her nose. 

arin ＊*•✩•*˚ the fifth season (ssfwl) stages

✆ ♠ ☼

   ●   a morning text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  08:00  ›   good morning 선배님⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  08:01  ›   i know it’s early⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  08:05  ›   but are you in the student council office? ⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  08:06  ›   i have a few questions to ask you 👉👈

   ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  00:02  ›   text 0009 to claim a real hippogriff⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  00:03  ›   gIVE mEA MY HIAPPOGYF⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  00:05  ›   IW WANT IT NOW⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  00:05  ›   gimme⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.  ›  00:05  ›   🤲

   ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.   ›  14:05  ›   선배님 !!!!!!⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.   ›  14:05  ›   i won the vote for class rep !!!⁺  💬  ›  ⭐️혜진 선배님 LEGEND.   ›  14:05  ›   aren’t you going to congratulate me?  🥺

hi guys !! i’m ume (21+, pst!) and this is another one of kwak jidam’s unfortunate children !!! ( i’m kidding but rly not their whole family is a lit revolt and we LOVE it ) aka kwak jina, she’s the second to last child! there’s more info under the cut as well as plots but pls like and i’ll definitely jump into your dms for some quick one on one 🤪🤪🤪

Keep reading

BUDDING PARALLELS

similar but not quite the same, virtually so; but frankly, not enough. see also: jina and @mmyuanlan before the peace treaty, the glo-up, and insert the manic one on one competition between the two smartest girls in their cohort. CIRCA 2017

𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍, you want to be better than the rest. 

you read books until they’re practically imprinted in your mind. you close your eyes and your mind still runs a mile a minute, keep up, keep up -- they taunt you. you’re to be the best, not ahead of the curve, you are the curve. self-awareness is second to self-egos; pampered and bruised. tossed to wolves and torn apart all for the sake of an outstanding academic reputation. the next day, it will begin again.

it’s a repetitive cycle, the slate is never clean, it’s darkened with blood and sweat and tears jina never cries because her eyes are bloodshot and her smile is strained. but she raises her hand high, shoulder brush, maybe a little too passive-aggressively against another’s. she doesn’t spare the slightest glance backwards as her name is spoken like a spell, like it’s obvious that she would be the first to come up with the answer. 

like it’s expected, because she was kwak jina. 

this was her reputation. untainted by her mother’s crimes, unhindered by the legacies her sisters unravel: no -- kwak jina is unlike her sisters before her. she is not serious, she is not fun personified; she’s not a breath of fresh air nor does she excel at escapism. 

she’s haughty, possessive, temperamental and withers at the lack of attention. above all, she is an egoist. she wants to be the best, second in line had never been her frame of work nor would she bow down to someone like -- she blinks, smile ripe against bright teeth -- someone like yuanlan. the name rolls off her tongue as she stares at the list of students, written off by examination scores and paired like cattle for their latest DADA practicum. unlike last time, perhaps the advantage had been lost.

because right next to yuanlan’s was her own -- she bites back a groan, heavily feeling her eyes roll to the back of her head as she turns to stare the other down, arms crossed before she makes up her mind and makes the first move. “it appears,” she breathes through her nose, trying to calm the flares of annoyance already prickling at the back of her neck. “the professor thought it was wise to pair us up for today’s practicum.” her tone is flat, a declaration of if you fuck this up -- i’ll fuck you up whispered between unwritten lines. 

she grew up so beautifully 😫 😫

mmjunsu‌:

it was funny how things could fall into place so easily; how things could pick up from where they left off, without any thought of the circumstances prior.

(like how he’d shared an uncharacteristically emotional reunion with his sister; and then he was sitting at the kitchen island moments later, stuffing his puffy face with breakfast as she slipped back out into obscurity. don’t mention it to anyone just yet, she’d made him promise, but it seemed like the idea was already obliterated as he burned his tongue on seaweed soup).

and things went back to normal, like always.

maybe he should’ve taken it as a sign, when he walked into the apartment and was greeted with absolute silence— like the calm before the storm, it lulled him into a false sense of security as he kicked off his shoes comfortably and left a trail of his belongings on his way to the rec room.

maybe he should’ve been more cautious when he found a full, unopened bag of shrimp crackers and pepero sticks— a rarity in the kwak household— and it seemed like the stars were all aligned for him when he opened the fridge and his favourite banana milk was stocked on the top shelf.

(ahjumma must’ve gone shopping, was what he had thought, when he should’ve realized: ahjumma had bought him his last meal).

the alignment of the stars were clear now as kwak junsu took a fistful of shrimp crackers as he paused his video game, and the doorknob twisted open to reveal the grim reaper.

junsu could easily recognize the stages of kwak jina’s wrath, but the look she gave him from the threshold as he stared back at her with doe-eyes wide open and mouth agape, was positively lethal.

it felt like an eternity as he wracked his brain for the things he could’ve done wrong, a single  cracker from the bunch in his fist falling down into his lap.

(after quickly assessing and reassessing his memory, kwak junsu found that he didn’t know what it was his sister was staring at him like she would kill him for, but after sixteen years of being the youngest, he quickly moved on to his second option: run).

“noona, hold up—”

the shrimp crackers all fell to the floor as kwak junsu tossed the game controller to the side, jumping up onto the couch and stumbling as he tripped over his own lanky legs. he tripped over the edge and quickly shot back up as he hid behind the couch: his only line of defense from kwak jina’s blazing stare.

𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐁𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃, jina has two different type of aggressions. it wasn’t out of norm for one of them to be tickled on the daily. that one didn’t involve the throbbing of a vein against the very shell of her forehead, it didn’t include the rush of adrenaline into her bloodstream nor did it reap of deadly intentions. 

no, that one was harmless in comparison to the aggression she felt swelling against her conscience. the one telling her that poor, innocent junsu looked scared to death. that perhaps, he didn’t deserve jina whatever jina had in store for settling whatever had set her off today.

of course her conscience was an idiot.

and jina full-heartedly believed whatever intentions she had in mind were rightfully just. especially when she was mad.

but no, jina wasn’t just mad -- she was pissed. 

she, of course, was fair in her approach. far more than she thinks she should have been. maybe she was feeling merciful, or maybe she just enjoyed the way her little brother seemed a second close to shitting himself. she didn’t enjoy scaring him, but the fear in his eyes did give her a different type of high.

for now, she feels every type of emotion welling up within her. remnants of her conversation ( if you could call a screaming match in the middle of the courtyard a ‘conversation’ ) with jihye still fresh on the skin. the tears she had cried a dried up path to where blurred eyeliner and smudged mascara lay. the obviousness of her distress a second contender for the anger that blazed in her eyes was much more prevalent, obvious in the way she stalked into the rec room; fingers pushing the door open further to make her way inside. 

“why are you backing up, junnie?” she blinks, voice a notch softer than it should be; coupled by the innocence dripping from her tone and the nickname she hardly uses, jina tilts her head. the venom in her expression says enough to warrant the activation of the fight or flight instinct, this she is sure -- watching his expression react in comparison has jina taking another step closer. “did you do something wrong?” 

she takes one more step, fingers reaching out to grab the discarded controller, tinkering with the buttons, a single glance made to the device before her glare returns to him. 

“don’t you have something to tell me?” timbre is soft, a false sense of security lulled into her voice as she takes another step closer; grasp tightening against the controller with each step before stopping just short of the couch he hid behind.

if he wanted to run, she’d give him a head start. 

REPERCUSSIONS

u know that scene in jennifer's body where megan fox puts foundation all over her face in a desperate attempt to look like even a semblance of her old self whose picture she has hanging next to her mirror so she's reminded of the appearance she's lost and she gets a little unhinged during the process and just starts smearing it everywhere? womanhood

ALL THE TEXTS (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

     ●   a morning text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:45  ›   WHY DIDN’T YOU WAKE ME UP FOR PDX ASSHOLE⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:45  ›   ISTG IF I FIND OUT DONGPYO GOT ELIMINATED AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOUR HEAD IS MINE 곽준수

     ●   a angry text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:00  ›   야 !!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY MONSTA X ALBUM YOU HEADASS !!!1!⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:02  ›   you better fucking run 곽준수 when i find you YOUR HANDS ARE CUT OFF⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:02  ›   istg junsu you’re such  똥 손  🙄⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:02  ›   ㅗㅗ !!! ㅗㅗ !!! ㅗㅗ !!!

     ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:02  ›   i love my hair⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:03  ›   it’s so fkcn shiny⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:05  ›   pls lsafove my hair 2 junkso

      a vague text    

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:01  ›   please don’t hate me too

     ●   a worried text     ━━━   ・

⁺  📞  ›  ( 3 ) OUTGOING CALL   ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  VOICEMAIL.

                                            ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:00  ›   if you don’t answer the phone right now istg junsu⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:05  ›   i’m not worried⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:06  ›   i just don’t want to be blamed for the dead body that comes up from the pond near our place

     ●   a text not meant for you     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:01  ›   i’m so fuckin sore, i’m never letting you do that to me ever again⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:10  ›   ….⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:11  ›   junsu⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:15  ›   it’s your fault you texted me right at this moment

     ●   a sassy text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  15:27  ›   i’d agree with you if that wasn’t just the dumbest thing you ever said

     ●   a long-winded confession text    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:10  ›   you know sometimes i still think about when we were kids and you said you wished @mmjiyi​ was your sister instead of me⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:10  ›   it’s so stupid because you were so young and probably didn’t mean it⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:11  ›   but it fucking hurt so much junsu⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:12  ›   she left because she didn’t give a SHIT about me, junsu why can’t you understand that ⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:12  ›   and the fact that you said that afterwards, it just made me think you don’t care about me either⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:13  ›   it’s not true, it’s not true, it’s not true⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:13  ›   i know it isn’t⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:13  ›   but what if it is⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:18  ›   everyone hates me and i want to change i want to change so fucking much but i can’t i can’t do it⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:19  ›   it’s too late everyone hates me and they’ll continue hating me⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:30  ›   you hate me too, right?⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:50  ›   i’m fucking crying in my room don’t fucking come in here⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:51  ›   i don’t want to see you right now ok.

                                             ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:30  ›   forget all the texts i sent last night⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:31  ›   it was stupid

     ●   a misguided advice text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  18:28  ›   when in doubt, say it with me: fuck you too

     ●   a  desperate text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  19:59  ›   야 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:00  ›   where the fuck are you !!!!⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:05  ›   kwak ji dam is coming home and i’m the only one here⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:06  ›   I AM NOT GOING TO BE ALONE WITH HER⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:08  ›   YOU BETTER COME THE FUCK HOME RIGHT NOW IF YOU STILL WANT TO LIVE YOU JERK

     ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  12:05  ›   waterboy?

     ●   a  text that should have never been sent    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  15:56  ›   fuck off junsu, you didn’t have the fucking right

If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression Of something beautiful, but annihilating.

— Sylvia Plath, from The Rival