Ships

I fear this is a callout post for myself

MORE things that actually happened in House MD in no particular order

i love this show. some minor, vague spoilers!!!

Wilson pretends to date a prostitute

House holds a patient hostage in an elevator

House makes a police officer drop his pants during a physical because the guy was profiling him

The police officer then spent the next several episodes attempting to ruin House's life in retaliation

Chase attempts to dominate a patient to get him to sign a consent form after the patient's dominatrix is arrested

House breaks an MRI machine by trying to put a really fat patient in it

House convinces a patient to sue Wilson

House breaks into a woman's computer to prove she's lying to her daughter

House and Cuddy manipulate a patient with Mirror Syndrome to determine who is dominant in their relationship

Wilson asks House to electrically stimulate his own hypothalamus (EXTREMELY DANGEROUS) to recall a memory from the deep recesses of his mind in hopes of saving a patient

A billionaire buys the hospital and fires Wilson for refusing to vote to fire House

House lies to the transplant committee to get a new heart for a bulimic woman

House performs a vaginal exam on a patient while trapped inside an elevator

House sabotages a former employee's interviews to prevent him from getting hired

Foreman leaves the medical malpractice department to go work at another hospital where he is fired for committing medical malpractice

House accuses his best friend of sleeping with the female version of himself (and neither of them deny it)

House wakes up a patient from a ten-year-long coma to go get him a sandwich

House lies to a pregnant woman and her husband on Christmas that she is going to have a medically anomalous virgin birth

House hires a woman to pretend to have an deadly neurological illness as revenge after Kutner opens an online second-opinion clinic in House's name

Foreman irradiates a woman's entire body and kills her

Foreman intentionally tries to infect Cameron with a deadly unidentified illness

Foreman breaks into Thirteen's house

House gives a crazed gunman back his weapon in order to find the right diagnosis for him

Thirteen gets injected with like six different drugs while being held hostage by aforementioned crazed gunman so he can prove that it's not poison

I!!!!!!!!NEED!!!!!!!!!! MORE!!!!!!!!! OG!!!!!!!!!!! DUCKLINGS!!!!!!!!!!! (please 🥺🥺🥺)

MORE DUCKLINGS!!! STAT!!! Thank you for requesting!!!

she’s so bird, doll, unusual…

truly nothing about house md prepares you for wilson. he's fucking insane. he's been divorced three times. he's the only person who can scheme just as well as house. he gives a patient his own liver bc he felt bad for him - a patient who didn't even know wilson's name. btw. he noticed a patient had depression bc he never mentioned his grandkids. he starred in a porno. he dosed house with antidepressants for several weeks. he allowed his boybestie and his gf to share custody of him and didn't even try to stop it. house told him to buy a piece of furniture that represented who he was, and he bought a $4000+ organ for house. he was gonna torpedo his career to talk abt euthanasia bc one of his patients suffered longer than he had to. he let house move into his 1 bed apartment bc his therapist thought it'd be a good idea. this man would do anything for anybody if they let him. he'd fucking quit his job to save a snail off the sidewalk. bro is not normal in the slightest

i cannot believe i am saying this but chase is the most ‘authentic’ Australian character ive seen in American television maybe ever. im only up to s2 but so far he is a 100% LORE ACCURATE Australian man you’ve got the:

- catholic trauma

- 1 inexplicably European parent

- mum who fuelled her alcoholism primarily through G&T’s

American tv finally did it they made a real Australian person who doesn’t feel like a caricature but he’s on fucking house md what sort of monkeys paw outcome is that…

think the great thing about house md is that the characters really are just like that, not even exaggerated. house does not shut up about sleeping with wilson even though he claims they’re just bros, foreman complains about medical malpractice while stealing bone marrow and switching thirteens’s placebo, cameron marries a dying man and then sleeps with chase after she’s been on meth. then they sleep together again because they’re bored of watching their patients sleep patterns. chase is a blonde australian catholic, he’s one of the best surgeons in the hospital, he also kills a dictator. wilson is just some guy who’s been arrested before. he loves monster trucks, he’s had three failed marriages, he’ll give out his organs and blood at any given moment. something so wrong with them all but i love them very much.

The funniest thing about House MD to me is that all the shippers are right. House and Wilson really are just Like That. I'm so used to big ships being completely noncanon or distant subtext at best. Not Hilson. They have a fake dating episode. In the episode where House mocks a gay man for being in denial, the multi-episode-long subplot is about him trying to break up Wilson's relationship because he's jealous and wants him to himself. Wilson, his best friend and person whom he lives with. This show is insane.

Nearly every episode of House is Wilson going

‘Not my monkeys not my circus’

And then Wilson realising that not only is that 100% his circus but also HIS specific monkey

an actual canon, legitimate conversation between house and wilson AT WORK:

House: I need my apartment key back.

Wilson: If you’re breaking up with me, can we at least talk about it first?

House: Maybe if you weren’t all nag, and no shag…

Wilson: I don’t sleep with married men.

you cannot make this shit up.