Cw Self Harm - Blog Posts
Alright..... first let's start this off right... before I get super ultraviolet pretentious out this mug....
Now fair warning cuz this will get a little Ranty so TL:DR. Fair warning
Ok with that outta the way, good fucking God, is this the absolute shit! Ugh! Got a little too damn excited reading this and the last few ones. Been waiting and would rather post here on patreon because it seems more trafficked here but.... wow. While melled42 definitely is in my Top 3 favorite artists in this fandom for their art style and character focus. This shit hits me in all the right areas that gets me Ace Ventura levels of excited when reading it. I love how, despite the want of sex, violence and gore, the characters feel real and grounded, a layered just enough so you can understand their growth and struggle while also presenting realistic responses that fit within their characters, given what we know and this, is a nice combination. Cheese aside, I completely adore this because it represents a truth about people that most don't want to accept and saying it might piss people off but I'm gonna;
We Love Selfishly
Each and every single one of us, wants to imagine the idea that our love is boundless, endless, all encompassing and pure. That we love to make other people happy but honestly, that's false or at least, a half truth at best. Most of us who can feel romantic and sexual love, instinctively, despite our natural urges in an attempt to present our love in altruistic manners, deep down inside are seeking some form of validation, comfort, and acceptance from an external force. We see someone, who we only want to see us. Want us. Love us. To have and obtain something and someone that is ours and only ours that will never walk away and will always prioritize us. It is a selfish desire to seek such a form of love from others, to give ourselves meaning, value and purpose and honestly, that's perfectly fine! Its normal. Its probably the reason why so many people love Tsunderes and Yanderes despite the exaggerated extremes portrayed in media. We want someone that will only show us their truest, deepest and most vulnerable sides to their personalty. Gain access to a part of that person no other living person will ever be able to scratch. We want to feel needed, loved and wanted by someone who'd refuse to let us go, even in the face of possible better options, be it looks, personality, or hobbies. For someone to see the significance of who we are, even when we ourselves can't, and this grounded, instinctive trait has probably (in my most biased opinion) has been shown by Mel the best.
The way these two show fear at the concept of expressing their sense of vulnerability to each other, yet the refusal to accept a life where they can't be their absolute and truest selves with one another is fucking peak! For the first time (from my interpretation) Ewen is making a real choice to ve vulnerable, taking something they actually want for themselves, even if they themselves don't fully understand their own desires. They cling to the one person who gave their existence value, who focused solely on them and only them and for a time, could truly understand who and what they were, despite the clear bad blood between them. It shows how loving selfishly can lead to so many negative thoughts of doubt, worthlessness, insecurity (Which is ok for any and all genders to have) which can eat away at someone's mental health. Yet despite this, its the honest statement and open conversation that will ultimately save them from creating that connection with someone they want based on lies or worse, breaking the bond they wanted for so long due to their own preconceived notions on the subject.
These two are like everyone, desires, happiness, insecurities and fears. So many conflicting layers without a true proper understanding of who they are. So many of us are broken in ways we don't want to admit, but still desire to take the shards of our souls, combine them with another's and create a Stained-Glass Mural that will express the beauty of what we are and I fucking love how Ewen and Narinder truly represent this concept both physically through their actions and psychologically through their development. I wish so many other artists here would take from Melled when comes to this. Not just be willing to show a character has fears, but allow their characters to be OPENLY vulnerable with each other. To revel in pain and angst can be fun but is ultimately empty in the face of actual progressive growth and development.
Understand this is only half my thoughts at best and I could keep going but I think I need to lay down cuz I'm a little too damn excited. Remember these are my own personal opinionated thoughts so if anyone disagrees, feel free. But for me; Easily Top 3 artists in Cult of the Lamb hands down.
Narilamb comic "Truth" 3/4 (page 1) (page2)
ROD au masterpost
Bit of a TW on this one at the top
This was a lot of work but I like how it turned out, and its fun doing more horror stuff
next page wip and wips of the rest is up on patr30n
Day 3 & 4 of Goretober & Jashtober!!
vv My lists! vv
CW DISGUSTING AND DISRESPECTFUL YAOI DON'T TRY AT HOME
Strands of Existence
Recently one of my favorite pieces of media featured a character brought back to life with the exclamation of EMPTY! empty empty empty EMPTY!
It resonated harder than it should’ve to be honest
because I feel like that
I feel like I’ve been killed by life
by friends who should've been
family that wasn't
lovers who refused to be
My soul, exsanguinated by those who said they would cherish it
My dreams scooped out of my skull by harsh words and harsher realities of funding and conditional love and security
My wonder pulled from my chest by the same hands I once placed my stained glass heart into
My skin sensitive not from angry and rash touches but from the lack of any love at all
And its left me Empty
Left me feeling like the only things left are the strands of the person I once was and tried so hard to be tying me to a life that I don’t really want.
I tried to cut those strings
those delicate blue strings running the lengths of my arms and legs and release the hot red magic held within them
tried to free myself
tried to leave on gossamer wings
but it didn’t work
it failed
i failed.
So I stopped trying, I now bleed on pages instead of pillows and try to find those wings within me and let them free without letting them see the light. I try to leave those strings be and let them puppet me towards a life I want to lead instead of one I want to leave.
I still feel like there’s only strings within me, but at least I stopped trying to cut them
Now I pick up the pieces of my shattered stained glass heart and use yet more silver to weld it back together and try to believe what they say, that broken things fixed are just as beautiful if not more for the proof of recovery
And if I can do it
Maybe you can too
Maybe we both can one day look up and realize that those strings weren’t trapping us, but leading us to our destinies like red strings of fate tying us to happiness and a future that we can’t yet see
pov: you ask the weird kids what happened last summer