Fuck Doctors - Blog Posts
I forgot about this post. But I did it @wittlepuppydog. I didn't shave my head completely, I just got a short hairstyle instead. It was about 5 months ago now and I absolutely love it. It has made the pain considerably more bearable as hair is no longer brushing against my face constantly, and I no longer have to tie it up to get it out of the way (which also hurts).
Honestly, it's not even just about the pain. I feel more like me. I recognise myself in the mirror. I like my hair, I like my face - something I could never comfortably say before. It feels like my pain gave me a gift. I never thought I would say something like that about my chronic pain. But yeah, it has helped and I have never felt more like myself than I do now.
And people's reactions and their staring honestly haven't faced me. I don't care about it anymore. Also, it's hard to say whether they're staring bc of the hair or bc I'm young and disabled and walking with a cane.
Thought I'd add some pictures for reference;)
I've been considering shaving my head because of the pain. It's still constant and my hair makes it worse. Is it stupid? Will I regret it? Will I feel like I'm "giving in" to the pain? Does that even make sense? I'm tired of feeling like I have no control over the pain. And this feels like a way I can maybe at least not hurt myself more and gain a little control back? I don't know. I'm tired
I recently went on a touristy vacation where I knew we were going to be walking a lot so I brought the cane I have with me. Mind you it was a 3ish week long vacation in a foreign country. I had bought a cane maybe a year before even though my doctor didn't think I needed it because "you could just sit down or not walk for long distances instead" and "you're too young to use a cane". So naturally I ignored her and followed my disabled friend's advice instead and bought a cane. But I barely used it because I got in my own head about not reaaally needing it and other internalised ableism stuff. Also people staring didn't help.
Fast forward to the vacation where I used it religiously. And it helped soo much! I noticed I could walk farther and walk for more days in a row, because my pain levels were lower. It helped so much that I could no longer justify not using it to myself.
Now it's 6 weeks later and I use my cane everyday.
I've been considering shaving my head because of the pain. It's still constant and my hair makes it worse. Is it stupid? Will I regret it? Will I feel like I'm "giving in" to the pain? Does that even make sense? I'm tired of feeling like I have no control over the pain. And this feels like a way I can maybe at least not hurt myself more and gain a little control back? I don't know. I'm tired
I've been dealing with some of the worst pain of my life for the past 6 ish months. Knowing it could have been avoided if my pain doc had not decided to stop one of my medications is bittersweet. If she had only listened when I told her the pain was worse. But she didn't care. She simply told me to try not to think about it. I should have fought harder but I was so exhausted and dissociated. I've finally started treatment for it again, I just hope it works fast. I'm so tired...
Love when bringing up legitimate concerns is labeled as making up excuses. "You need to at least try and do what the doctor says," mf the doctor is telling me to injure myself.