Light As A 🪶 - Blog Posts

look who's fallen, but swears is back again

ugh i'm so stuffed from thanksgiving. it was at my aunts so i couldn't really purge but i did a tiny bit. gonna try to purge when i get home because i hate the feeling of being full.

hello lovelies! today is thanksgiving and i'm so scared because i have to eat so much. if i eat hardly anything then my family will get worried that im not eating again (which they'd be right but i don't want them to know!!). i'm at my aunts house but im still gonna try to purge as much as i can because im finally at my lowest weight (158lbs or 71kg which is still huge but im so proud of how much i've lost!). a lot of people my height (5'7/5'8ish) weigh what i weigh and they look skinny but the way that i carry my weight makes me look like a whale. i carry most of it in my hips and ESPECIALLY my thighs oh my fucking gosh i just look massive.

yall i literally b!nged sooooo bad for the past week bc i had my period :///

but it gave me sm motivation so it's time to lock in ;)

How do I purge effectively? I wanna throw up so bad but it won't work

~Wieiad~

10•21•24

Breakfast:

• ?g cashews - ~175c

Total: ~175

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~My friend got trail mix this evening and we had been hanging out all day so I took some cashews to not raise suspicion but I really wish I wouldn’t have T . T Ik it wasn’t 200c so I’m not too upset about it ig but my fast is ruined now :C

I wasn’t planning on fasting tomorrow but I might now..tbd..

~Wieiad~

10•20•24

Breakfast:

• 27g Mini Blueberry Protein Bar - 104c

• 3 Unsalted Rice Cakes - ~125c

• 12g Chopped Dates - 39c

• 31g Caramel Rice Cakes - 119c

• Vitamins - 100c

Total: 487c

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I broke my fast right before I went to sleep.. I feel like maybe I could’ve lasted until this morning but my family has a history of heart attacks and my heart wasn’t acting like it’s usual self so I didn’t want to risk anything. Once I’m on my own it won’t matter but while I’m with my parents I’d prefer not to traumatize them if they even care enough lol.. I didn’t do too bad with the cal intake though, so ig there’s something kind of positive to think about? - and I’ve started another fast but I’m hanging out with a friend tomorrow and food might be around * . * Hopefully I can completely avoid eating but idk if I’ll be able to fast for as long as I’d like to :c I’ll l bring a can of green beans or something else low cal just in case so I hopefully don’t cause any suspicion. My friend used to have an 3d so she’s already pretty aware of some issues I have but I don’t want her to know the full extent of much I’m restricting myself.. but besides the food stuff- tomorrow should be fun. I’m going to help her move some plants and other stuff to her new house and we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks so we’ll have a decent amount to catch each other up on✨

(Side note: Caramel rice cakes are pretty good. I avoided them for a while but I got some a few days ago and they might be a new safe food for me now, I haven’t decided yet.. Cals aren’t great but it’s the lowest it can possibly be so I have to deal with it or avoid it again)

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~Tw 3d Question~

How effective is purging when you make yourself vomit? And what should I do for after care?

~(Late)Wieiad~

10•16•24

Breakfast:

• 2 rice cakes - 80c

• Pork cutlet - ~450c

Dinner:

• 22g pitted date - 67c

• 5g LS peanut butter - 16c

• 1.5g unsweetened coconut chips - 10c

• 3g dark chocolate chips - 16c

Total: 639c

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Went over 500c and I’m not happy about it but I’m gonna fast until Saturday so that’ll be fun at least

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~Wieiad~

10•15•24

Breakfast:

• 146g ZS Vanilla Greek yogurt - 60c

• 8g Chia seeds - 40c

• 50ml Coconut milk - 10c

• 80g Pumpkin Puree - 40c

• Ground Cinnamon - 8c

• 68g Frozen Strawberries - 24c

• 33g Frozen Raspberries - 17c

• 30g Frozen Blueberries - 16c

• 45g Frozen Blackberries - 29c

Snack:

• 5g CB whole wheat tortilla - 7c

Total: 251c

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Went mia for a little while because my mental health was complete shit and I had no energy to post on here but I should be back now✨

~Wieiad~(lazy because I’m tired af)

10•3•24

Breakfast:

30g carb balance wheat tortilla - 43c

14g FF mozzarella cheese - 22c

31g LF cottage cheese - 23c

10g Guacamole salsa - 19c

40g Dates - 133c

54.2 g Choc mint protein bar - 195c

1 Fiber brownie - 70c

Total Cal: 505

Water Intake: 34 FLOZ

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•Macros•

Carbs - 87g

Protein - 35g

Fat - 15g

Fiber - 22g

Sodium - 897mg

Calcium - 378mg

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I broke my fast at 3:50pm and started a new one at like 6pm..not too terrible ig but I’m gonna fast every other day for about a week to hopefully speed things up a bit.

Starting a fast :3

~Wieiad~

9•30•24

Breakfast:

2 Iron gummies - 10c

2 Zinc gummies - 20c

2 Vitamin D gummies - 15c

2 Vitamin 3 gummies - 20c

2 Biotin gummies - 10c

2 Omega-3 gummies - 25c

T: 100c

Lunch:

6g seaweed w/ sea salt - 30c

High key sandwich cookie - 25c

?g peppercorn ranch chip - 13c

Pure Protein chocolate mint bar - 180c

T: 248c

Dinner:

50g egg whites - 27c

FF shredded mozzarella - 10c

T: 37c

Snack:

324g Cucumber with peel - 49c

159g Carrots - 65c

T: 114c

Total Cal: 499c

Water intake: 51 FLOZ

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I hung out with a friend today and I brought all of the snacks I have atm in hopes that she’d eat some, I haven’t binged while I’ve had them but I’m worried I will and I want them gone asap * . * and she did eat some but I ate a little too so she wouldn’t suspect anything..she gave me half of one of her chips to try as well and usually 1 chip is around 10c-15c but I counted it as 13c to be safe. But I’m going to bed soon and I’m definitely not eating again tonight so Im just glad I didn’t go over my cal limit and can sleep peacefully😌…kind of lol

~Wieiad~

9•29•24

Breakfast:

2 Iron gummies - 10c

2 Zinc gummies - 20c

2 Vitamin D gummies - 15c

2 Vitamin 3 gummies - 20c

2 Biotin gummies - 10c

2 Omega-3 gummies - 25c

T: 100c

Lunch:

125g Chicken breasts - 134c

43g Sweet potato hash brown - 65c

T: 199c

Dinner:

85g Oikos TZ Vanilla Greek yogurt - 50c

8g Highkey choc mini cookies - 37c

8g Highkey double choc brownie mini cookies - 40c

3 Highkey sandwich cookies - 70c (I forgot to weigh them T . T)

T: 197c

Total: 500

Water Intake: 51 FLOZ

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~Macros~

Carbs - 63g

Protein - 40g

Fat - 18g

Fiber - 13g

Sodium - 1,008mg

Calcium - 143mg

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I lightly seasoned the chicken and put pepper on the hash brown, and I weighed the seasoning but my scale stayed at 0 so I can’t track it as easily. I’m just gonna add it as a few calories and consider my total intake to be 500…Not too bad of a day tho. Sodium is high but there’s days when it’s really low so I’m not too concerned; I drank a couple diet cokes and that’s what pushed it so high.

~ Vent ~

Something I keep thinking about is that my childhood friend told me ~4 months ago that she couldn’t imagine me skinny after she saw how different the pantry was at my parents house. Which is valid for her life experience with me, and great motivation, but wtf…. I’m kind of scared to meet up with her again after I lose more weight. I don’t want her to say anything else about my body.. and she’s one of the luckiest people on earth because she grew up SKINNY, and literally just because of genetics. Her whole family is thin.. lucky mfs lol -but we used to hang out frequently and we’d both eat a lot growing up, and she still does. The last time I hung out with her, she got a honey bun from a convenience store after she ate a sausage the length of a paper plate, and a slice of chocolate cake like 30mins-1 hour before… It’s possible she has some mental stuff going on as well because of struggling to gain weight, but to make such a comment about another person isn’t very mindful. My brain is kind of taking it as “I can’t imagine you being a healthy weight”. - not that I wanna be lol - but sis basically said that without actually saying it.. She knows I grew up FAT AF, a damn boulder, so I’m just struggling to understand how she could say that. In most cases, a persons health is the most important thing, and what she said really makes me feels like she wants me to stay big subconsciously. But, she picked the word skinny and not healthy, so maybe I’m just thinking too much into it lol.. Either way though, it’s still motivating me to do better so ultimately it doesn’t matter, but it does make me anxious about my relationship with her; and the pantry is so different now too compared to what it was the last time she saw it. So actually, I am very scared of her coming over lol.. and I don’t like that I feel that way, I love her a lot. I’m just not as comfortable around her now :c

~Wieiad~

9•28•24

Breakfast:

2 Iron gummies - 10c

2 Zinc gummies - 20c

2 Vitamin D gummies- 15c

2 Vitamin C gummies - 20c

2 Biotin gummies - 10c

2 Omega 3 gummies - 25c

Lunch:

14g FF Fig Newton - 42c

11g Highkey mini choc chip cookies - 51c

11g Highkey double choc brownie cookies - 55c

.58 Milano raspberry&choc cookie - 38c

Dinner:

46.7g Brownie batter Protien puff bar - 163c

Snacks:

119g Cucumber with peel - 18c

49g Red grapes - 34c

Total - 502c

Water Intake - 51FLOZ

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Macros:

Carbs - 76g

Protein - 24g

Fat - 16g

Fiber - 3g

Sodium - 482mg

Calcium - 168mg

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No pictures because I was lazy today, but I ate the cucumber and grapes early in the afternoon after cleaning the dishes and kitchen, and my sweet tooth was screaming so I ate some not so great things and I’m not feeling good about it…..I could’ve had some homemade air fried chicken nuggets and gotten more protein, but I kind of stayed in my cal limit so I won’t beat myself up too much about it..The protein bar weighed more than what the nutrients label said and that’s what made it go over 500 :c I’m giving my body 2 hours to digest the food a bit then I’m going to bed 🥱

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~Wieiad~

9•27•24

Breakfast:

111g Carrot slices - 46c

84g Celery slices - 12c

19g Small tomatoes - 6c

48g Red grapes - 33c

80g Plums - 37c

Lunch:

54g Peanut butter chocolate protein bar - 208c

Dinner:

43g Brownie batter puff protein bar - 151c

Total Cals - 493

Water Intake - 68floz

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~Macros~

Carbs: 71g

Protein: 33g

Fat: 12g

Fiber: 11g

Sodium: 820mg

Calcium: 218mg

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Decent day, it could’ve been better. Tomorrow I’m gonna start taking some vitamins, but the bad thing is that all of them combined are 100 cals * . * I got gummies so maybe that’s why it’s so much. I just have a really hard time swallowing pills so I thought gummies would be better for me, but idk…the only thing I can do is wait and see how it goes but I’m a bit concerned lol

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