i realize that the reason why i don't have any motivation is because i see no future and i'm just demoralized and it's hard to get out of that cycle.
and i find myself jealous of those who can be open with their thoughts and feelings cause that has never ever been me. and i feel like if i was able, it'd alleviate some of this sadness and loneliness. but i just can't.
this is my downfall and it's sad.