Unhealthy Relationships - Blog Posts

I spoke to god and shes a teenage girl

She’s telling me about K-pop. Was it Jennie or Jung-kook?

I don’t remember and I don’t really get it but she’s so excited so I listen.

Next she begins to show me the dance sequences. They look complicated. And she tells me all about how she and her friends are going to dance together.

I ask how long I’m going to live for.

She says, how tf should I know.

And then she starts telling me about a girl named Marie. She hates Marie. Hates the way Marie holds herself, the way Marie chews her pencils, the way Marie laughs as if she’s been kicked in the teeth. 

She hates Marie so I do too.

My hamster dies tragically as they all do. Escaped onto the road and driven over. When she finds out, she mourns.

Her cries make her body convulse, like she's giving up some part of herself. Her sobbing is so loud it rattles the braces on my teeth.

She cries over my hamster’s body for 5 days and when I bury him, she delivers a eulogy so beautiful I’m almost thankful he did die, just so I could hear her speech.

When my grandma gets cancer, I demand an answer from her. Why didn’t she tell me?

She shrugs and says everyone has their time and goes back to scrolling on tiktok.

I pass my exam with a grade so good it’s shocking for mediocre me and she congratulates me. 

At my congratulatory dinner, she makes it all about herself and says our friendship was the driving force behind my good grade.

I grab her and pull her into the bathroom, where I slap her so hard there are nail marks on her cheek. 

She looks in the mirror, peeved I ruined her lipgloss.

When my first boyfriend cheats on me, I cry so much in her arms that I think I’ve cried enough to fill the Atlantic sea.

She corrects me and tells me it’s closer to The Red Sea.

I ask if I deserved this, she doesn’t answer. I ask if there's something wrong with me, she doesn’t answer. I ask if I am unlovable, she doesn’t answer.

I ask her why she didn’t respond to my last text, she says she was busy.

One day we’re eating ice cream together on a warm summer day, her rum raisin, me elderflower and I ask her what I should do to please her.

She considers the question, humming and haaing on it. Then she tells me, go to the deepest darkest part of the ocean and bring me back one of those funny looking sea creatures.

I ask if she’s being serious and she says she always is.

When i'm dying and we see each other again, she first tells me about all my wrinkles and gray hairs and recommends a guy she knows that could help with that. 

Are we going to be together forever now, I ask? 

She wrinkles her nose at that and says no, you bring down the vibes.

whenever people say shit like “i couldn’t be polyamorous, i’m so jealous and possessive. if my partner even LOOKS at another girl/guy i’m gonna kick them out of a window” i’m like well you should probably be working on that. like even if you don’t end up doing polyamory it’s probably good to not be like that

Falling Apart at the Seams

Fandom: Dream SMP

Characters: Tommy & Dream

Rating: Mature

Chapter: One Shot

Word Count: 8076

Additional Tags: Angst No Comfort, Manipulation, Character Death, Obsessive/Possessive Behavior, Winged TommyInnit, Abuse, Trauma, Blood and Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships

Link to AO3:

Summary:

“Did you miss me?” Suddenly said Dream, something akin to excitement colouring his words despite the calm tone.

“I did not,” Tommy tried to say firmly, clenching his fists when his voice faltered on the last word.

Dream scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Sure you did.”

-------

From the moment Tommy heard the sirens going off, he knew his days were numbered.

Why was he always running from something?

OR: What if Phil wasn’t there to save Tommy from Dream after his prison escape?

[Based on the recent Dream SMP lore]

filter: cvt skin knife carving stab

Drop them like a cold potato

Just . . . . . . . . . .

plonk.

it hurts

“It hurts,” says the ice to the sun, “It hurts me to be with you.”

“But it hurts me too,” says the sun. “Have you ever thought about how your dripping water sizzles on my skin?”

The ice was confused. “Your pain comes from my destruction, yet you invalidate my pain from my own destruction with it?”

“But my pain is important too!” The sun screams their pain louder than the ice ever could.

“Okay,” says the ice, and caters to the sun’s sizzling blisters, not acknowledging their own mutilation.

The blisters do look rather serious, of course.

And so the ice suffers in silence.

Chapters: 17/? Fandom: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Suicide Squad (2016), Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Joker (DCU) & Bruce Wayne, Joker/Harley Quinn Characters: Joker (DCU), Harleen Quinzel, Edward Nygma, Pamela Isley, Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Harvey Bullock, Hugo Strange Additional Tags: Memory Loss, Canon-Typical Violence, Abusive Relationships, Joker (DCU)’s Name is Jack, Blood and Violence, Amnesia, Minor Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel Summary:

Jack Napier was a nobody. A nobody without friends, without a family and most importantly, without memories. His life began four months ago when he woke up at the Gotham General. Alone.

Nobody seemed to be looking for him and nobody seemed to miss him. But if so, then why did he have the recurring dream of a blonde beauty? And where did the voice come from? The voice in his head that longed for blood.

so quick (we're workin both ends)

author: soda_coded

summary: Leona loses another game and wins a different prize. Ruggie always acts like he's losing but Leona thinks he likes playing the victim.

It's Only You

Sebek Zigvolt x GN!Reader

Synopsis: You'd never thought how difficult it could be to love someone without receiving affection back. The daunting realization of your unrequited love led you to leaving him. You never meant much anyways- you were always just there and he was sure you'd return. Time flew by as he waited for your return.

TW: Angst, mentions of death, depression, mentions of unhealthy relationships.

The pitter and patter of rain filled the silence enveloping the room. It was unusual for Sebek to be so silent for he was usually so boisterous, if not impulsive. Whether he was enraged, content, or glum, he was always loud- reckless. It was odd- this thick, suffocating silence that pierced through your skin. A shiver traveled down your spine, your lips forming a thin, straight line.

"Sebek, I said something."

You spoke up, as if offended by his lack of reaction. Never once was he so apathetic. You expected more, much more by an individual who was usually so reckless, so volatile. If not verbally than through expressions, you wanted a reaction- it was a given, you confusion, considering this side was something you'd never seen, no one had ever seen. Yet, there was no response merely a wide-eyed gaze he sent your way.

"If you won't respond then I guess the feeling's mutual."

You spoke up once more, irritation present in your words. A sigh left your lips, his olive gaze still fixed on you. It wasn't as if he didn't speak to spite you- no, it was quite the opposite. He was speechless. Everything was fine, nothing was out of place- both of you were alright, perfectly content together. Then why had you just said you wanted to end it? Was your relationship that meaningless? Did he mean nothing? Was your bond that fickle?

The rain continued to pour down as you packed, taking your things one by one. You presence vanished little by little leaving him alone- in solitude. He stood in the same spot as you removed yourself from his life- his home. His eyes were glassy, not that you noticed.

"Goodbye Sebek."

That was the last thing you said before leaving, suitcase in hand.

He came back to his senses, his voice returning to him as the door shut with a loud 'thud'. He called out your name several times, shouting at the top of his lungs. As if to mock him, the rain pattered against the windows even harder, silencing him. Without a thought he ran outside, his usually neat hair now wet and tousled. His eyes searched for you, his heart drumming inside his chest- his throat was raw from screaming, his vision blurry. His body was soaked, his tears camouflaging- becoming one with the drops of rain. His body shook, a shiver running down his back; it was now he realized that you had left. It wasn't a nightmare, nor a delusion, and it definitely wasn't a joke. This was reality.

Even if he found you, begged you to stay- your answer would remain the same. You were tired. You were sick of being a second option- no, a last resort. Someone or something always came before you. Whether it was his loyalty for Malleus or his affection for knighthood. You were never number one. Frankly, you had been alright with that, knowing your relationship with Sebek was fairly one-sided; you'd begged for his love, had you not? In his eyes you had. Not that he didn't care at all, but just not to the level you did. You were useful to him, always there when he needed you to be. Never once did you think of your own needs- neither did he. That was until you did. There was only so much you could ignore before you felt lonely- alone.

No matter how selfish it sounded, you wanted to bask in his affection. He was your spouse, wasn't he? He made vows to you, didn't he? He was your soulmate, was he not?

Then why were you ditched for his loyalty to Malleus? Then why had he made it clear that you could be replaced, Malleus couldn't? Then why were you never never first- not once?

Why didn't you mean anything to him, who meant everything to you?

Your love was unrequited, to an extent at least. You knew you had agreed to something of this sort upon falling for him- yet this daunting realization hurt more than you wanted it to. You wished for everything to go back to how it was- you wanted to be blind once more. You wanted to unsee this new vision, to go back to your old perception of reality.

You wanted to mend this broken relationship. As if you were a child who had just noticed that life was not, in fact, perfect you tried convincing yourself that it was. You were better off believing in the false perfection of the world- of your relationship. You didn't want to believe that he didn't care. You were not being neglected. You couldn't be.

You just had to communicate, that would fix everything.

You spoke up, he didn't listen. You spoke up once more, he had better things to do. You spoke up again and as expected, he couldn't care less.

It poured down as you spoke up for the last time, this time adding that you were simply leaving. His opinion didn't matter anymore- too many chances had been missed. You weren't a doormat, not any more.

You waited far too long for someone who wouldn't come around. That realization daunted upon him- he was guilty of a crime he wished he hadn't committed.

His body coiled up, quivering as his garments clung to his skin. He sat on the wet road, the sky darkening as the rain roared down. His eyes were fixed on the ground, shameless tears trickling down his face. If Malleus saw him like this- no, if anyone saw him in such a state, he wouldn't mind. He was confused to have such thoughts- he should mind, should he not? You were gone. It shouldn't affect him so much, not at all. What were you? A spouse, but only in name. Then why did his heart pang so loudly? Why was your sweet voice playing in his mind? Why was it now that he saw your pain? Why now, when it was far too late?

His life was different from there on. You had an affect on his life and took on such an important role, yet never realized - if you had, maybe you wouldn't have left. He wished both of you had remained blind, playing house forever- no matter how suffocating it got. Maybe then he wouldn't be so melancholic.

Days passed by.

His halls were empty, signifying his solitude. The little knick knacks you used to keep were gone, those stupid little hand-drawn doodles he used to find on random pieces of paper were all in the past. The times you cooked for him, no matter whether he he liked it or not- he missed it. The scent of your shampoo never lingered around the house anymore, neither did the sound of your sweet voice.

He would stand at the door everyday yet no one came to greet him once he returned home, neither did he have anyone to greet. No one played music that hurt his ears anymore- he never thought he'd miss that. He still made portions for two everyday, leave it on a plate only for the food to go stale. He still clung onto the last bit of hope that you would return- that he wouldn't have to be alone. Yet, everyday you proved him wrong.

Weeks passed by.

Was this how you felt? Was this how your heart ached? He wished he had listened to your rambles, that he'd paid attention to whatever stupid show you used to watch. Maybe if he had then he could watch those shows to remind himself of you- yet he didn't remember. He never thought he could cry so freely, never once had he been someone so sensitive. What else could he even do? There was no one to scold, to scorn at to scream at- he was rendered silent within these walls, isolation along with silence were his only resorts. He had lost his old self, grief took over his previously exuberant self. "He deserved it", he thought.

Your separation from him was his separation from himself. His memory of your was the only thing keeping him going. Every little thing you used to do reminding him of his mistakes, of what could have been. He'd underestimated your worth- he'd underestimated how irreplaceable you were.

Months passed by.

His previous priorities became second while you became number one. The only difference was that you weren't there to witness that. Wherever you were, away from him- you were happier. At least he hoped you were. His door was always open for you though, his heart too. Maybe if he'd cherished you, he wouldn't have lost you.

Despite all his lingering thoughts, he'd realized it was just "if's" now. There was no mending what he'd broken and there was no apologizing for what he did, not when you had clearly severed ties with him.

Was it illicit to hope you'd crawl back to him? That you'd beg him to take you back? It was wrong and he knew it but he couldn't help but delude in such thoughts despite knowing the only one who who'd beg for the other would be him, as of now. Though, he didn't mind begging if it meant you'd return. He knew he was being delusional- you'd never return. He knew that was the best for you, for if you did return- he wouldn't be able to let go no matter how difficult it got for you. He might've gone mad.

A decade passed by.

Years later he saw you, clinging onto another man as you pranced around at a store- one you used to speak of quite often as if urging him to take you. He never did.

As you and the unknown man walked inside the store he couldn't help but follow, silent as ever as he simply observed. He broke the moment he saw you picking a suit for the man beside you. You weren't his and maybe you never were.

He walked out of the store, his eyes stinging as he returned home. You weren't there waiting for him and no one ever would- he wouldn't replace you, not that he could. That would be another insult to your name.

He stood near the same window, on the exact spot where he watched you leave. Just like that day, it was pouring and the room was silent. He called out your name a few times, hoping you'd appear. Was he mad? Surely. Maybe he should drink again- doing so could help him hallucinate of you and if not, at least it would numb the pain.

He sighed as he sat down.

You were incomplete when with him while he was incomplete when without. You meant more than he had previously thought, so much so that it was only you he wanted to live for and with. If that was impossible, why live at all?

Note: If you enjoyed this, please interact with this post, my blog, and reblog! Any kind gestures are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Note 2: I hope Sebek wasn't too fanon/off, I just really wanted to explore a different side.

Note 3: Any unhealthy behavior depicted in this fic is not condoned nor encouraged by me. If you are facing any mental/physical abuse, please seek help immediately!