I recently listened to Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes, and I read an interesting insight about it on Wikipedia. The article foremostly defines the song as "inspired by an African tradition of ambiguity in song". Reading this makes one wonder more about what makes Gabriel's prose so enigmatic.
When reviewing the following three verses, something clicked in my head with the "ambiguity" between the lines:
The grand façade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
Taking a look at the first and third lines, both are statements which can stand on their own with profoundness. Though, the second line at the middle seems to be adjectival/adverbial in purpose. What statement does it compliment though? The one above or the one below?
Considering the meaning behind the entire song, I found it to be both verses. Going back to the Wikipedia description I quoted, the gist of Gabriel's poetry can be illustrated as "ambiguity in song between romantic love and love of God". The very first word of In Your Eyes is just "love". We can say he's altogether singing about love, the one-word concept, and not as if both types of love are seperate in definition. If Gabriel's song overall implies two meanings of love at the same time, it's thematically fitting that his words are both a blur, figuratively and literally, between the two loves.
Returning to the three verses above, the second verse can gramatically applied to both the first line and the third line. Combining the first and second would mean that the singer will burn his concealing outer-self, without regard to his entire ego and to any self-pitying struggle. Synthesizing the second and third lines instead, would convey that the singer's true self is reaching out to his lover, absent of distractions and selfishness. Both permutations of the three verses serve Gabriel's message, while emphasizing how the the mysticism of love influences his attempt to convey it.
It's certainly hard to discretely notice this at a first or second listen of In Your Eyes, but that also adds to the intentional experience of ambiguity Gabriel gives. His technique can be paralleled to an African musical technique, termed by John McCullough as "layering". The term McCollough defines is familiar to what I can see in Gabriel's method with those selected 3 lines:
"The polyphonic texture is difficult to wrap your head around, as the drums play their own rhythm while the guitar and bass, though sharing a funk music influence, are playing two completely different musical lines. This is evident of layering, as the instruments are placed on top of each other in order to make the entity of the song."
McCullough's conception of dual meaning in the music-piece can be paralleled with my own:
"When writing the song, Gabriel was interested in the idea of there being no difference in African love songs between the love of a woman and the love of God"
For me, writing this analysis down is how I solidify my appreciation for songwriting's capabilities. I appreciate how the three-verses I keep on mentioning can be read and thought about in more than one order, without conflict in chronology and logic of reading. This poetry is unrestrained by time, the conventional way of listening and reading from left to right, and first second to last second. It's why I love it.
"Show, don’t tell" means letting readers experience a story through actions, senses, and dialogue instead of outright explaining things. Here are some practical tips to achieve that:
Tell: "The room was cold."
Show: "Her breath puffed in faint clouds, and she shivered as frost clung to the edges of the window."
Tell: "He was scared."
Show: "His hands trembled, and his heart thudded so loudly he was sure they could hear it too."
Tell: "She was angry."
Show: "She slammed the mug onto the counter, coffee sloshing over the rim as her jaw clenched."
Tell: "He was exhausted."
Show: "He stumbled through the door, collapsing onto the couch without even bothering to remove his shoes."
What characters say and how they say it can reveal their emotions, intentions, or traits.
Tell: "She was worried about the storm."
Show: "Do you think it'll reach us?" she asked, her voice tight, her fingers twisting the hem of her shirt.
Tell: "He was jealous of his friend."
Show: "As his friend held up the trophy, he forced a smile, swallowing the bitter lump rising in his throat."
Use the setting to mirror or hint at emotions or themes.
Tell: "The town was eerie."
Show: "Empty streets stretched into the mist, and the only sound was the faint creak of a weathered sign swinging in the wind."
Give enough clues for the reader to piece things together without spelling it out.
Tell: "The man was a thief."
Show: "He moved through the crowd, fingers brushing pockets, his hand darting away with a glint of gold."
What’s left unsaid can reveal as much as what’s spoken.
Tell: "They were uncomfortable around each other."
Show: "He avoided her eyes, pretending to study the painting on the wall. She smoothed her dress for the third time, her fingers fumbling with the hem."
Use metaphors, similes, or comparisons to make an emotion or situation vivid.
Tell: "The mountain was huge."
Show: "The mountain loomed above them, its peak disappearing into the clouds, as if it pierced the heavens."
Tell: "The village had been destroyed by the fire."
Show: "Charred beams jutted from the rubble like broken ribs, the acrid smell of ash lingering in the air. A child's shoe lay half-buried in the soot, its leather curled from the heat."
how to write the second draft
@writingwithacutlass on instagram
source: https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-a-second-draft#why-do-you-need-a-second-draft
hello and welcome back to my page! this post was requested some time ago and i finally got around to making it. second drafts are arguably the hardest draft to write, since you are taking your jumbled mess of a first draft and rewriting it to be more cohesive and organized. although picking apart your novel is a painstaking process, it’s a necessary step that will improve your novel and make you a better writer in the process. here are five tips on how to write the second draft!
take a break, then return to your draft with fresh eyes
especially if this is your first novel, only start your second draft after you’ve had adequate time away from it. creating distance between you and personal work can give your mind time to reset and detach from particular ideas. certain story elements may feel necessary but don’t actually fit into the story, or your story may need something, but you’re not sure how to implement it. taking a break can help you view your writing from a previously unseen angle that can bring more refreshing ideas to the table and help you get through your second draft. take some distance from your writing to brainstorm new scenes.
understand your chaos
your first draft got your ideas down and, hopefully, created a loosely structured beginning, middle, and end. however, the first time you go through the whole thing, it will probably feel overwhelming—and it should. go into your first chapter knowing there will be big changes and improvements to be made. you’ll cut some things and add others, but don’t be afraid. if it starts to go off into a direction you’re not happy with, or if you have no idea how to continue forward from what you’ve rewritten, you can always reconfigure. that’s what second drafts are for.
break it up into separate goals
you don’t have to comb through your second draft beginning to end and address everything along the way. setting goals to address each element of your first draft, like working on emotional character arcs first, or solidifying the bare bones of your plot through each chapter can help you divide and conquer each necessary aspect of your story that needs to come together in a cohesive manner. once all these elements have been solidified individually, you can piece them together in a way that makes your second draft feel more manageable.
track your narrative
read through each plot point or chapter and see if the narrative tracks. make notes on anything that stands out to you or doesn’t feel as smooth. are events moving logically or sequentially into the next? are character goals clearly defined? does each new chapter feel connected to the last? it may be a rough version you’re going through, but these elements should be in place in order for you to analyze it accurately. your subplots should feel natural to the central story and characters you’ve created—they should just be added fodder to take up space. ensure there aren’t any redundant scenes or a repeat of information that doesn’t need to be explained again.
don’t proofread until the end
it’s tempting to go back and fix all your errors, but unless you’re in your third stage or fourth stage, this may end up being a waste of time. correcting typos and grammar should be saved for your final draft, as the entire writing process will entail rewriting, restructuring, and reorganizing until the moment you’re ready to publish.