Bubbles7724 - Untitled

Damn, youre a good actor. I actually thought you loved me.

- i really just wish i never found out. That i can just be oblivious, but happy.

I went back because "i missed them". What i really went back for was to see if it was the same without me. I just wanted to see if they were the same without me. Not surprisingly, they were better without me. It also made me realize i was also better without them. Its wierd how just one person can change things so much. I love them, and i know they love me, but we were never made for each other. It really sucks, but its unfortunately true.

this is so inspiring. I want to be like this. I want to say I went a full year without sh.

I want my scars to be almost gone, but not completely.

I want to be happy and depression and anxiety free,

I want to be ready for the rest of my life.

It's been 1 year...

1 year without self harming

1 year since the break up that I thought would kill me

1 year since moving to a new city all alone

1 year since starting therapy for my PTSD from csa

1 year since changing my antidepressants

1 year since starting medical school

1 year since life broke me ...and I climbed out of the rubble stronger

I just wanna get away from it all, ya know?

Is this what happiness feels like? Its been so long, i cant quite remember...

I just keep thinking about that kiss... i keep thinkung about how much i want to just run up to him and kiss him. I just want to be with him, which only proves that im a psychopath. He played me before, hes not good for me. This isnt healthy. But, something that feels so good cant possibly be bad, right?

I don't see him anymore... i think about him all the time, and its neither of our faults. Sometimes I think whats the point of bei g with someone if you can't even be with them? but then I think about him- because he's the one, if that were to exist.

I've never felt like this... fuck I miss him.

Were keeping distance because were both not ready.

my scars haven't even healed, and i don't think they're going to heal anytime soon.

Hes not ready to be open and trust me

My mind is a constant battle, and even when we were "together", I couldn't mentally handle it.

I'm really not ready, and neither is he, and it fucking sucks because I think he's the one.

ik its only been a short time, but I think I love him.

but it doesnt matter. he's gonna move on soon, but I never will.

Fuck right and wrong. I'm doing whatever makes me happy. Im going to stop thinking about what anyone else thinks of me and my actions.

- I am who I am. Deal with it.

In Biology we were talking about euthanasia and our thoughts on it. Literally everyone in my class was saying they couldnt imagine wanting to die. That they didnt even have the guts to even hurt themselves in any way. I kept getting flashbacks to last night, and all the fresh scars on my arms and legs and it made me die a little bit more inside, knowing how truly alone i was.

What happened to me...