3 Months Without A Response Feels Like Dying.

best 30-40 ish minutes of this week

i just spent exploring the third floor of my old 4-5k building with my friend cause she needed props for a film class and I wanted to be useful

it genuinely looks like a abandoned school/warehouse on that floor and I love it

photos undercut because why not

(after they shut the floor down, it was used as a haunted house for a short time, now it's just storage)

why are we okay recently. well, not okay, but neutral. I'm not overly suicidal or depressed or anything like normal, but just rather nothing, numb, if anything. and I kinda hate it. makes the invalid feeling feel stronger.

i don't wanna speak, I don't wanna do any form of communication, I don't wanna type or write, I don't wanna talk. i don't wanna move. i don't wanna do anything.

again.

again.

again.

i just want to not exist, just wanna lay and rot, just wanna die.

"when did you become such an ungrateful little urchin." "i did not teach my child to be this cruel to their mother"

i dunno. maybe when I became sick, wanna die on a daily, and started hating you and everyone else

just a possibility

i hate this, I don't want to start over

i wonder, does my friend actually think I have npd?

my thoughts when someone says "I love you" is just

ha ha. no, you don't. you just love the idea and perception of me that I have given you. you don't love me.

nvm I'm feeling like shit right now.

when in depressive pissed off state

just listen to black metal

my head hurts (from being sick) and is also telling me to do certain things