Came Back Just To Leave Again

i have posted too much today, I'm going to rot away until the 25th or unless something happens

i dont know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden

feeling like blocking everyone but that just feels like too much of a hassle and questions to answer so I'm just going to go off the grid again without telling anyone

slight regret for how deep I cut on my wrist is now setting in

“Way to high, I'm way too drunk

I'm not gonna cry from the things I've done”

Fucking hate when others look at me.

Do not perceive me. I wasn’t made to be noticed. Im nothing to look at.

well, mom now knows about the scars on my upper arm (which are deep styros and barely baby beans) and oh yay.

she seems these as "too far" (she thinks some should've had stitches. like no? they weren't deep enough for that)

i had to explain to her that I don't care how this affects others (like, you're not being physically cut into so like, why should it matter how it affects you? emotionally? try again, I don't care about that)

I had to "promise" not to do that deep again (I will) <-but will have to be careful because I dont want to be strip-searched.

downside, I have some deep ones on my forearm and near wrist that she doesn't know (that might cause a strip-search if she sees those, which fucks me over because my thighs are the worst place)

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

genuinely want a skateboard and learn how to to do but like, I'm too fat and out of shape for that.

great im sick.

and it wasn't just a slow build. its like I got hit by a fucking semi today and immediately I'm sick with a ruined throat.