Its In My Head That Everyone Hates Me And Will Ignore Me When I'm In An Episode Because That's What Fucking

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

yeah so, I got got. I knew it would happen eventually but still feels like being hit by a semi

gonna try to tag everyone I can remember

@love-stuck @sewerslidalfaggot @grimnmm @pinkbunnieskill @the-real-loser-otaku-girl @emandcries @gruesomeghost-boy @ima-end-itt @soontobe-onlyamemory @aloneshecries @thebpdcrybaby (i cant remember some properly, I'm sorry)

my thoughts when someone says "I love you" is just

ha ha. no, you don't. you just love the idea and perception of me that I have given you. you don't love me.

best 30-40 ish minutes of this week

i just spent exploring the third floor of my old 4-5k building with my friend cause she needed props for a film class and I wanted to be useful

it genuinely looks like a abandoned school/warehouse on that floor and I love it

photos undercut because why not

(after they shut the floor down, it was used as a haunted house for a short time, now it's just storage)

wonder how he'd feel if he knew and saw the extent of my cutting and scars.

he should leave me. i don't want to be cared about. (he doesn't care about me anyways, made that clear)

can I really call this crying? when all that happens is my eyes well up with water and only one or two tears fall and they don't even make it far before it stops.

i genuinely feel like I'm dying. my chest and heart fucking hurt now. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? what do I mean to you? what does Z mean to you? nothing?

no messages or contact for 3 months straight and still none, and I finally decided to look at your Spotify again. so you are alive. what? just avoiding us? because I see a new playlist, A WEEK AGO?

i don't know how to feel. i don't fucking understand anything. and I can't cut to get some form of sanity cause moms in the bathroom. I have no appetite for the food in front of me. i want to fucking blow up.

i just want some fucking answers.

why do I barely bleed. I hit deep styros again (wouldn't say baby beans even though I think I saw a few)

and it's barely bleeding or dripping. why does this happens with all my cuts.

current mood is wanting to fucking cry, scream, and rip my skin apart and hair out but actually I'm just sitting doom scrolling or watching youtube letting these feelings sit because you just don't have the will to do any of those things.

if I don't refresh myself about something or why I have it often enough I believe I don't have it and everything's a lie and im completely normal and making everything up