Since I've Used This Blog To Talk About A Lot Of Mental Health Aspects, Heavily Regarding My Sense Of
Since I've used this blog to talk about a lot of mental health aspects, heavily regarding my sense of self and identity, I'm thinking of talking about other aspects of my recovery and health here as well. Talking about the body the self must inhabit, a body which has long been afflicted with pain that is being resolved.
I self-tested for POTS, and with a 63 bpm difference, I more than qualify; I still would like to see it formally charted by a physician however, not just for the purposes of insurance, but for the personal validation of confirming suspicions held over a number of years. I am currently being investigated for Ehler-Danlos Syndrome, of which I appear to meet roughly 90% of the criteria for. I have been recommended a clinic to speak with, but I currently cannot afford the sessions; I will likely be diagnosed with either Hypermobile EDS, or Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder, which will also allow a lot of pieces to come together for me. Once I receive a diagnosis from the clinic, I will return to my primary care physician to seek a diagnosis for my digestive issues. My therapist (who had initially mentioned EDS and POTS to me, before my PC also strongly suggested them) brought up the idea of gastroparesis, something which I feel inclined to lean towards once I spent a day consuming nothing but liquid and, for the first time in a while, had no stomach issues. Receiving a diagnosis from this clinic will help pave the way for me to be examined for other conditions that tend to be comorbid.
I do have an appointment for two EMG tests next month, regarding the way my limbs tend to go numb, as well as a spinal MRI I have yet to schedule.
It feels overwhelming to be told that my conditions will likely be something I will carry with my for the rest of my life, but having answers is already giving me some solace. Being close to answers, at any rate.
More Posts from Introspective-in-somnia and Others
Why would you bring a man back to life and take away all of his defining features except for his neurotic, debilitating anxiety
I crossed paths with a fe.itan! The internet is truly a magical place
You know, I don't think I'm afraid anymore, I don't want to fight anymore, and I've come to see how fundamental this is to me. It isn't something I chose, so fighting performs a disservice to it.
I don't think I'm afraid anymore.
I think I love you.
I love you.
Setting an alarm for "bug time" on my phone in hopes it will improve my life immensely
I'm finding a lot of moments of melancholy accompanying the shifts, looking up at the moon in the night sky as I've done so many times before
Seeing some people seem to focus a bit more on semantics, which is at least a little funny to me; I've always referred to myself with the "kinnie" moniker, but still do very genuinely identify as fictionkin
Two years of us..
You may have been with me for longer, but the choice to take your name marks a crucial moment in our history. Ultimately, it was a choice.
An act of love. To want to be associated with you, to want to acknowledge you, to welcome you into my life, even when I hadn't fully realized that was what I had been doing. Shaping my perceptions of the world with your own thoughts, feelings, and memories.. it was something that was ultimately necessary to my own growth.
The literal, fragmented nature of you means I was always experiencing myself. Aspects of myself I had distanced myself from, and yet there you were, reconnecting me to myself. Drawing my soul back to me.
Your joy, your pride, your guilt, your shame, all of it meaningful to me. All of it serving a purpose. Every action was another piece of the puzzle, and I finally feel able to step back far enough to see the entire picture.
I see us. I see us, and what I no longer see is the shame I had felt in the way we coexist. You will always be with me, regardless of our integration. The experiences we have had and continue to have are cherished; it feels as though a second soul exists alongside my own, and it is something I treasure deeply.
I love you. I love us. I love how you've carried me this far and shown me things about myself I would never have understood otherwise. I love how your view of the world has colored my own. I love how I feel I was able to give you new experiences, demonstrating the good of the world to not only yourself, but to myself as well.
Life has been cruel to both of us, but it has also been kind, unbelievably kind. I am grateful to have given you a second chance, and I am grateful that you were able to assist me with my own. Hand in hand, we stood against the very forces that tore us down, and we emerged victorious, united in the beauty of the world.
Two years of evolution. Great pride in a heavy amount of effort, of work, of constant effort.
And the results have been nothing short of miraculous.
I love you.
Thank you for two years.
this isn't a response to any request, i'm just online window-shopping again and wanted to shout out my favorite fragrance shop since i think the scents they sell can be pretty alterhuman friendly
demeter fragrance is my go-to for unhuman scents. smells that are hard to capture. they have a lot of florals, which is common for perfumes, but uncommon scents like asian pear, basil, and monk fruit. they have enjoyable but strange scents, like the ozone smell of thunderstorms, and the smell of freshly upturned soil (one of my favorites, the scent is called earthworm). they have some smells that are outright weird, like turpentine, funeral home bouquets, fresh tennis balls, and glue
if the sound of smells named things like riding crop, lotus, spacewalk, tarnish, and wet garden sound interesting to you, please check them out! their 0.5 oz/15ml cologne bottles are really conveniently sized. for a fragrance company that makes strange smells, their prices are really cheap. most of their scents can be bought as splash bottles, spray bottles, roll-ons, lotion, body wash, and body oil and have sampler spray bottles
Was browsing the witchcraft-themed items at my local spirit halloween and they remind me so much of when I used to be an active practitioner when I was younger. While I don't do so now, I do wish I was more in touch with my spirituality and metaphysics that come with it, it all makes me want to light my candles and pull out my tarot deck.
