BMI 17.4 But I Look The Same If Not Fatter Than I Did At BMI 19 When Will This Suffering End 😔

I COULD BEEN AT MY GOAL WEIGHT BY NOW IF I JUST DIDNT FUCKING EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I binged again, it feels like I blacked out and now I just woke up. I feel sick, my stomach hurts, I can feel the fat rolls that I swear weren’t there before. I can feel that my stomach has adjusted and expanded to accomodate the binges, the guilt is eating me alive. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I don’t know if I can do this anymore, I can’t go another day in this fat uncontrollable body. Everything hurts. I’m ready to die.

Guys strap me down because the binge urges are urging

Had a little binge last night so I’m sadly out of the BMI 17 range and back up to 52.1kg, to be honest though it could be worse and I’m fairly confident in the fact that if I just restrict/exercise today and take a shit ton of laxatives I’ll be back into the 51kg range by tomorrow.

Just broke my fast and I regret it so much, I feel sick why do I do this to myself

I’m actually losing my mind somebody sedate me

I see nothing but fat when I look at the mirror

God has cursed me with taste buds that don’t like any sort of 0 calorie energy drinks/fizzy drinks WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

Introduction

ׂ╰┈➤ Hello! My name is Kassidy / Kas and I use they/them pronouns.

I restrict / binge and purge through laxatives.

I’ve been lurking for a couple years now on and off, too afraid to post anything due to the fact I am undiagnosed.

I have been engaging is disordered eating behaviours for many years now, but feel uncomfortable labelling myself as having an eating disorder or anorexia until I’ve lost enough weight to get diagnosed. (Imposter syndrome be damned).

I want to use this blog now to connect with other disordered people as the loneliness that comes with these behaviours has become unbearable, and document said behaviours and progress as I work towards reaching my ugw.

Mutuals are welcomed and encouraged, and DM’s are always open <3

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I am sixteen (08) and 170cm.

Current weight: 53kg (bmi 18.3)

Goal weight 1: 48kg (bmi 16.6)

Goal weight 2: 42kg (bmi 14.5)

Ultimate Goal weight: 38kg (bmi 13.1)

Block don’t report please!!

Going to the movies with my friend tonight so I’m just gonna have a monster until then, and OMAD a little bit of popcorn/snacks we get there and hope and pray I have enough discipline not to go overboard with it :)