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Day 3 of fasting, feeling too depressed to get my steps in yet again so I’m just gonna keep going and I’ll break it tmr afternoon maybe

the silence after hitting your gw but still feeling so big and disgusting

I don’t want to go to work I just wanna sleeep ☹️☹️

Managed to shoot all the way from 50.7kg to 51.5 overnight, I feel so discouraged. I’m never binging again.

Out of 53kg jail barely, although I’m happy I’ve atleast lost a little weight I’ve been losing so slowly and I’m constantly disappointed and scared that I won’t lose enough weight by my deadline. I need a tapeworm to eat away half of my body weight or something.

Guys I’m actually so confused, my scales telling me I hit 51.3kg but I swear to god I don’t look it like if I look back on body checks where I was a whole kilo heavier I still looked skinnier then. My scales not broken, I put things with a bunch of different weights on it to make sure and it was accurate.

I don’t even know if I should feel happy or not, it feels fake.

Update on the sushi situation from last night, I did end up eating it and something else which I deeply regret although if my calculations were right with the sushi I did stay under 500 cals. I hate how easily I gave into desire, I feel like I have no discipline whatsoever. To make up for breaking my fast early I’m going to fast for the entire weekend and maybe Monday, and work out even harder. God I hate myself.

I see nothing but fat when I look at the mirror

I can’t do anything right. Not a single thing.

It’s really hit me over the past couple days how much my disordered eating has taken over my life, it’s like I no longer have a personal life outside of it. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep all I can think about is food and weight, I spend my days inside rather rotting in my bed scrolling through ED content or I’m walking for hours on end, waiting for tomorrow to come to see if I’m any closer to my GW. I don’t have any hobbies and I self isolate, going days without talking to anyone besides my immediate family.

I don’t even know how to feel, it’s like I don’t feel anything at all. I’m honestly pretty ambivalent to it, in retrospect it’s depressing but like Im still fat, it’s only been 7 weeks since I relapsed and I don’t feel like I’m sick enough, I still have so far to go and so much to lose.