I Used To Love Baking Before I Relapsed, I Really Miss It. Hopefully One Day, If I Finally Get Sick Enough

I think I’m gonna start cutting my intake from 500 to 300 because the food guilt is becoming too much and I don’t feel like I’m working hard enough towards reaching my ugw.

God I want to binge so bad I’m not even hungry but the urges are killing me I forgot how hard the first day restricting after a binge was

oh my god and I just remembered that im going to the doctors tomorrow and they might weigh me, what if I gain from eating so much today, I wanted to be underweight by the time I got weighed by a doctor again, how the fuck am I going to lose a kilo and a half overnight.

Oh.my.god.

The ice cream I’ve been including in my meal plan is 170 calories each, I thought they were 120 each. I’ve been eating 500, not 450. I know it doesn’t seem like much of a difference but oh my god I’m freaking out I can’t do this.

I’m so anxious I’m going to wake up having gained or maintained the anticipation is making it impossible to sleep PLEASE LORD I KNOW IM ON MY PERIOD SO IM GOING TO GAIN AND RETAIN WATER WEIGHT SUPER EASILY BUT I NEED TO WAKE UP 53kg PLEASEEE

GUYS I MADE IT INTO THE BMI 17’S LETS GOOO 💪💪

I think my scales broken or something cause I weighed myself this morning and it said I’m 51.8kg but istg I look fatter than I did a couple days ago when I weighed the same amount before I binged.

I had my mum measure my height yesterday and she said I was 171 cm, and I just weighed myself and I’m 52.2kg meaning that I could be bmi 17.9 but I’m scared that she mis measured me and I’m still 170cm and stuck in bmi 18 jail 😔

I’m actually losing my mind somebody sedate me

Life may be shit and I may be failing at both my job and education but atleast I got my bffs and the sense of control from restriction to keep me going 💪💪