Triggers - Blog Posts

Note To Society #18

Jokes about rape, racist jokes, sexist jokes, ‘did you just assume my gender’ jokes, jokes about nazi’s, jokes about suicide, jokes about ‘triggers’ are going to upset people. I’m sorry, but it’s true. And if you aren’t comfortable with those types of jokes, say something. If they’re a good person, they’ll stop. If not, leave ‘em. If someone doesn’t like the jokes you’re making, stop. Respect people, please.

Hey, so...

…”Will you tag (something that is not a common phobia or trauma trigger)?” is always an appropriate request.  Even if you’re asking “will you tag for the letter ‘e’,” you’re not crossing boundaries unless the person you’ve asking has already said, clearly, that they will not tag for a thing.

However, “no,” is an equally appropriate reply.  It’s nice to have reasons (no I will not tag frogs because I post too many frogs and I forget, meaning that the tag will not protect you; no, I will not tag Disney princesses because it says “Disney princesses” in my blog description and you knew this was a dead dove before you took a bite), but they are absolutely not required.

“Will you tag for birds of prey?”  “No.  Please unfollow me if you require that tag.”  is a perfectly polite exchange.

Allow yourself to be loved so deeply that it triggers everything inside of you that no longer needs to be carried.

To be loved by a deep and loving heart is to be awakened into an odyssey of the soul.

Where the warmth invites your shadows to dance in the light, revealing your deepest fears and hidden insecurities. All synchronously designed to propel you towards your highest potential.

I crave INTIMACY desperately, but when I’m touched I pull myself away. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to allow anyone in my life.. I am triggered when I am hugged, kissed, admired by others and yet I disagree with them all.

Pals, I’m gonna tell you one of those hard truths, and I hope that you can read this and think about it in the spirit in which it’s intended.

The vast majority of you do not have “triggers”, you have “squicks”. If you learn the difference, I promise you will be happier and healthier, and you will feel much MUCH less as if all media is attempting to personally attack and traumatize you. 

It is ABSOLUTELY LEGIT to dislike something in a piece of media, or to feel disgusted and revolted by it, or to have an aversion to it for any reason and to any degree. That’s normal! That’s absolutely normal, and if that has happened to you, then you are normal too.

But… Words matter. Words have power. There is a difference between “disgust” and “trauma response” – if a person without PTSD or other forms of trauma calls something that disgusts them a “trigger”, they are giving that thing undue and dangerous power over them. You do not have to legitimize your disgust, because your feelings are already valid. But saying “this triggers me” if it doesn’t actually trigger you in the clinical definition means that you are voluntarily giving up some of your own power and agency to the thing you dislike. It means that you are allowing the thing to have a disproportionate impact on your life, that you are giving it power to affect you and get under your skin and stay there. You are building it up into something much more terrifying and monstrous and serious than it deserves to be. Calling it a “squick” makes you bigger than the thing that’s grossing you out – it makes the gross thing into something that you can have power over, that you can vanquish and reject and entirely discard from your life according to your own whimsy. (For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term “squick”, it’s something you don’t like which causes that icky squirmy “ew! no thanks!” feeling. Here’s the Fanlore page for more detail.)

We live in a society that wants to take power away from so many of us at all costs. Nobody hands you power or agency or confidence or strength – you have to claim those for yourself. If you have the ability to take control over something that squicks you, do it. Stand up for yourself and your media experience, and use the word that gives you power. You can turn your back on a squick and walk away without more than a lingering “ugh” feeling; it is almost impossible to do that with a trigger. A trigger ruins your whole day (ask me how I know!).

Words have power. Disgust is a normal human emotion. Your feelings are valid even when they’re not severe and catastrophic. 

Tw

does anyone else ever feel too numb so they purposely trigger themselves to feel something? I know it’s not healthy but it’s one of the only ways that I feel anything right now.

The anxiety attack after you set a boundary is crazy. My hands are shaky. Palms are sweaty. I’m freaking livid! I just don’t understand it?! I’m cursed I swear. My grandmother would yell at me CONSTANTLY “Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble” little did she know how powerful such words were. People love me cuz I’m real and hate me cuz I’m too blunt! Or because I’m too moody or too “to myself” um why is it so wrong to keep to yourself? Why is it wrong to like to keep your circle small? Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to protect what’s mine or maybe it’s the only way I know how to protect my energy. Whatever it is. I DESPISE when people try to impose on me. Don’t push me to be social please. Don’t come over uninvited. These are triggers. I’m so sorry. I don’t like uncertainty or surprises unfortunately. I’ve been disappointed too many times. I have opened that door too many times. So now I leave it shut and protect me and my own. Ok so the boundary is set. Why am I freaking out? It’s the response! It’s me obsessing over if that person will talk to me again because I set a boundary! It’s me being mad I had to set one in the first place. But then again, High expectations are future disappointments. I’m tired of people having adult tantrums when another adult is clear on their wants/unwants. How dare you be mad at me for knowing what I want!?

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Take it day by day. It took years for them to screw you up, take time with your healing. Love yourself through the process. Give yourself grace! These are things I repeat to myself yet, even so still have those days that just seem like “Didn’t I just heal from this?” “Why am I resorting back?!” BUT it doesn’t always mean that! It’s ok to have a bad day. I have to accept that this is a process and some days triggers will just be harder to deflect. Some days our traumas come to taunt us, but I won’t stop the fight. I won’t keep allowing this battle in my mind keep me from healing and moving foreward. I will not hold on to shame and guilt for allowing myself to feel. It’s ok to feel. It’s ok not to be perfect. It’s ok to heal. It’s ok to be happy. And it’s ok NOT to be on the days that you just aren’t feeling your best. Stop beating yourself up!

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Whump Prompts: Possible Trauma Triggers

I can confidently say this is heavily inspired by my own trauma dksjdksj anyway enjoy.

Content: PTSD/trauma.

Smells/sounds/sights that remind them of that environment, the person who hurt them, etc. Maybe Caretaker wears Whumper's cologne, for example, or their voice somehow resembles Whumper's when in certain situations.

Alcohol. This can be a huge trigger for whumpees who's whumpers were alcoholics or just generally speaking worse/only violent when under the influence. They might hide when Caretaker drinks or do things to make sure they stay on Caretaker's good side until they're sober.

If they were the bloodbag of a vampire, the sight of their own blood could become a trigger. They might be scared that their whumper might smell it or they might just not wanna have their blood taken from them again.

Loud sounds. Alarms, shouting, banging on walls/doors.

Gifts. Whumpee might believe that they now owe the gifter, or they might hate opening wrapped presents because they have no idea what's inside. This could lead to tears, reassuring the gifter that they don't need to do all this to make Whumpee do what they want, they can be good, this isn't necessary.

Physical touch. Touching them without warning, hugs feeling like traps, not being able to escape until the other person says so. So they go stiff or immediately try to escape, hellbent on not falling for it again. They might even hurt Caretaker in the process.

Large crowds.

If they went through torture, things like water (waterboarding, drowning, etc.), sharp objects (cutting, surgeries, etc.) and the such could also be triggers for them.

The dark. Maybe they were kidnapped after dark or their whumper is nocturnal, but this makes for some good angst.

Stuff being close to their neck. They might have problems with collars, chokers, etc. because they were made to wear one during their captivity.

List of ways to trigger a (optional: former pet whumpee) whumpee? Like post rescud, in the healing stages, what could set them off? Im like so out of ideas. 😭😭

I got you! Here just the first ones I could think of-

Upsetting moments.

Doors slamming.

Doing dishes/cooking in a way that bangs the pots.

Blaring alarms.

Scissors a little too close during a haircut.

Whumpee breaking something or burning food - waiting for punishment.

The sound of a door locking.

Seeing actual pets around and hearing ‘good boy!’ ‘good girl!’ ‘good pup!’(etc)

Triggering phrases that mirror their old commands.

“That’s perfect.”

“Be good.”

“Sit.”

Ambiguously/potentially threatening phrases.

“What are you doing in here?”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Hm.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I have some friends coming over.”

Abrupt transitions.

Waking them up abruptly / loudly.

Sudden changes in emotion.

Getting angry over small things.

Plan changes.

Things that might make them think Whumper is coming back?

Seeing a similar vehicle to Whumper’s.

Doorbells.

Unknown numbers calling.

Most importantly: Little comforts Whumper used to use as rewards.

Combing fingers through their hair.

Forehead kisses.

Holding their hand.

Cuddling.

Little treats (chocolates, etc).

Buying new outfits for them.

Being bathed/massaged.

Things a little too similar to pet stuff.

High collared shirts or short necklaces that feel like a collar.

Heat of a straightener/curling iron that reminds them of the brand.

Deep bowls/dishes that are similar to dog food bowls.

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