Oh, Is It Happening Again?

If I can collect the imagery, I think I may make my own moodboards..

I can rank all 3 of them based on their opinions to fucking around, which are "can you stop fucking around", "can you please keep fucking around", and "fuck around and find out (cheerful and affectionate)"

The registration schedule for Othercon 2023 is up!

What is Othercon? It's a virtual alterhuman convention that takes place on Discord on the 2nd weekend of August. This will be our 4th year running!

⏳Staff: March 1st - April 30th

⏳Artists/dealers: May 1st - June 30th

⏳Panelists: June 1st - June 30th

⏳Attendees: July 1st - Aug 6th

⏳Convention dates: Aug 11th - 13th

If you are a panelist, then we advise not waiting until the window opens to prepare! It's best to plan ahead and have your idea ready to go so you don't miss any deadlines.

If you are an attendee, set your calendar! Lots of potential attendees are sad yearly from missing registration.

Why is it so much more painful this time? I can barely look myself in the mirror, the disconnect is so great; the short term memory gaps seem to be less often but that's also been a new manifestation. There were definitely times in the past where I'd been jarred by the face I see in the reflection but it's never been quite like this.

I'm finding a lot of moments of melancholy accompanying the shifts, looking up at the moon in the night sky as I've done so many times before

I am beginning to legitimately consider discussing this with very trusted people in my life because this is a large part of my identity and I feel it would allow me to feel more understood, especially because this has been such a large piece of my trauma recovery

It's been a bit since I've last spoken here, and I have a lot of things I want to say.

After some very careful consideration, I think I can safely say that my feelings regarding kinning were actually the manifestation of myself coping with a dissociative condition I otherwise didn't know how to describe. This was the closest approximation I could come up with that made sense to me, and as time went on and I was afforded more chances to look at my feelings and perceptions, I do know for certain that there is something dissociative happening to me. Nothing as far as osdd I would say, but definitely along that vein.

I carry him with me. When I'm upset, I hold his grief, and when I'm overjoyed, I hold his caution. Every new situation has a protective measure put over it in the form of a dissociative fit. However, as I've mentioned previously, I don't interpret any of this in a negative light. It simply is what it is, and it is something that developed to help me cope. Of course I was afraid in the beginning - I didn't know what I was dealing with or what triggered my episodes, so I very naturally began to feel afraid when I could feel myself begin to drift. As time has gone on, I have made peace with this aspect of myself and wish to work with it.

This experience has been and continues to be deeply important to me, and I feel that part of my interpretation of it is almost spiritual in a sense. I grasped a lot of my identity through him, saw a lot of my trauma and myself in him and he continues to serve as a lens I occasionally interact with the world through. I have chosen to use his name alongside my own, feeling a sense of recognition and actual, genuine joy upon hearing it. Only a small handful of people know I use this name, and smaller few still know about my dissociation. While the psychological pieces don't necessarily have to come to light, I would like to be afforded the chance to be seen in the world as I am.

I am planning to tell two friends of mine about my name. I trust one of them to take it well, but I fear a bit of reaction from the other. She has a concept of "cringe" and has implied to me a few times prior that my behavior felt embarrassing in a secondhand way. The behaviors in question were either deeply ingrained, as from how I grew up, or entirely innate, as with my neurodivergence. I fear another layer being added to this, especially since we live together, but I don't want myself to be ruled over by my fear of perception. I want to be able to live authentically and for myself, regardless of what may be perceived of me. I already exist as someone who is queer, traumatized, disabled; some of my actions are already perceived differently because of these immutable factors. I don't want to feel afraid anymore. I am preparing for potential questions or pokes, but think I truly may not have much to fear.

My name is Shai, and I don't want to be afraid to say it.

Sunset Daggerwing (𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑝𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑎 𝑓𝑢𝑟𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑎), family Nymphalidae, Colombia

photograph by Michael Garcia

I have so many images of architecture and interior design saved to put here....

Quick survey question:

Alterhumans, otherkin, therians, fictionkin, etc., if you have talked about your identity to a therapist or other mental health professional, how did it go?

I mainly ask for myself since I’m hopefully starting therapy soon and these identities and community have been such a huge part of my life for almost a decade so like, I kinda really wanna talk about it at least somewhat lol.

If you see this after the poll runs out pls just respond in the replies :)