I’ve Gotten So Lazy And Lenient With Myself Lately No Wonder I’ve Been Binging So Much, Come Back

Nevermind guys I still feel shit as hell about my weight but I just absolutely demolished those 10k steps and am determined to get to 20k I’m locked back in 💪😛

Time feels so slow when you’re restricting, the past week has felt like the equivalent of an entire month.

Honestly so excited for school starting tomorrow, I love the routine and it gives me something to do and think about besides my disordered eating :)

Broke my fast with an egg and slice of toast, the guilt is low-key killing me but I’m walking it off tonight at work + I’m gonna take 25 lax.

I feel so alone, I keep so much to myself and whatever I do try to express I can’t properly so no one can truly understand me. I’m going to die a stranger to my loved ones.

Just weighed myself for the first time since Sunday and apparently I weigh 0.1kg less than I did before I binged. Honestly I think my scale might be broken, or skinny fat has just got me in a crazy chokehold because I look way too fat to be BMI 16.3

RAHHH I’ve only gotten 10k steps today but I’m so tireddd I need some motivation

omfg just wasted 100 cals on an unfulfilling bland as wrap I’m gonna lose it this is why I stick to my OMAD routine

Planned to b/p today but I literally have no desire to eat why am I kind of disappointed

So I just got back from my friends 3 day birthday trip which ended up turning into a 3 day long binge episode.

3 days of eating 3,000/5,000+ calories a day, food noise making it impossible to do anything or feel any sense of enjoyment, comparing myself and how much I ate to my skinny friend which made me so fucking depressed because she barely ate anything, shamefully gorging myself on food in the bathrooms, being in excruciating pain and discomfort from being so bloated, and having no way of relieving myself of it due to not bringing laxatives and being unable to purge.

This feels like a nightmare, and now I’m home it’s gotten worse, I can’t stop and I’m hanging out with my other friends tomorrow where we have a whole Easter dinner planned. We are probably going to go swimming but I’m so fat anf bloated the thought of taking my clothes off or revealing even an inch of myself makes me want to die. I don’t know what to do, I just want to die. I hate myself so much, I’ve never felt so ashamed, disappointed and insecure in my life.

That being said I just took 8 laxatives and am probably gonna take another 10 or 12 in a couple hours, walking feels useless and honestly painful but once the laxatives start working I might try and exercise for a couple hours.