If You Advocate For Mental Health Awareness, But Joke About Things Like Intrusive Thoughts And Schizophrenia,

Just a reminder that ableism against personality disorders, especially cluster b personality disorder, is alive and well.

Not having empathy doesn’t make someone evil. It doesn’t make them an abuser. In fact, people without empathy are better in certain vital positions. We’re better at being first responders, 911 operators, and other tasks that would overwhelm empaths. We work better in critical situations than empaths do.

Thinking that any disorder makes someone evil is ableist. And when you take into account the sexist bias in diagnosing women with BPD and the racist and classist bias in diagnosing POC and prison inmates with ASPD and NPD? It’s not only ableist, it’s all kinds of -ists. Plus, it’s really rich for someone who claims that empathy is what makes someone good to have so little empathy for people with disorders that are literally trauma-based.

So yeah if you see someone being a dick to people with PDs? Say something. Because they’re definitely not going to listen to us.

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

how the world feels about cluster b

bpd: need me a bpd girl ahah mood swings hahaha crazy girls with daddy issues

npd: a narcissist is anyone who is mean to me ever and i sense them with my Empath Eyes

aspd: exclusively serial killers and psychopaths, they are so evil and terrible

hpd: what the fuck is that

“i respect pwnpd as long as they dont hurt people” ok. anyways here’s to narcs who unintentionally harm or hurt others!!

Me: If, hypothetically, a person’s trauma causes them to become severely mentally ill and that illness makes them potentially difficult or even harmful to be around, wouldn’t that mean that we as a society should therefore focus on preventing that type of trauma and encourage compassion and recovery for these people to reduce the risk of the cycle continuing?

“Narc abuse” mfs: Everyone I deem as having this rare personality disorder that is notoriously difficult to diagnose and psychiatrists often refuse to treat is a soul-sucking demonic Incubus that should be skinned alive

What I'm actually saying when I defend people with stigmatised disorders: “Please don’t spread harmful stereotypes, not everyone is like that, it’s really hurtful to people who struggle with it.”

What people seem to think I'm saying: “Abusive behaviour is absolutely okay if someone’s mentally ill, it’s discrimination not to ignore red flags, please walk up to the nearest person on the street screaming at nothing and offer them your couch to sleep on.” 

How can narcissistic personalities result from trauma?

While narcissism as a personality trait has existed for a long time, there is an increasing amount of people who associate the term the diagnosis "narcissistic personality disorder". I have put this in quotes because I believe cluster B personality disorders should not exist as diagnoses because they stigmatize maladaptive personality traits developed in response to trauma, and this stigmatization hinders a victim's ability to seek support and advocate for themselves.

I am a child abuse victim diagnosed borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits and this post is based on a combination of research and personal experience. As mentioned above, I am opposed to referring to victims as narcissists, but for the sake of this post, I'll be using phrasing recognizable to people with misconceptions about the topic. Please bear with me.

Childhood trauma is a common contributing factor in cluster B personality disorders even in the psychiatric diagnosis; however, when most people think of these disorders, they think of an abuser and not a victim, especially in the case of narcissism--after all, the term 'narcissist' is a pejorative with synonyms such as 'conceited' and 'self absorbed'.

In order to grapple with the source of a narcissistic personality developed in response to trauma, you must first be aware of what narcissism in NPD is actually like. These narcissists are not supervillains who successfully gain the love and support of everyone. Narcissism holds you back in life. For example, it makes rejection and criticism especially difficult to deal with, which can make maintaining relationships or even having a consistent career difficult. The confident demeanor of a narcissist--while it lasts until narcissistic collapse--is not genuine self-love. It's a way to mask vulnerability to avoid harm that was inescapable in the past. A narcissist is significantly more self-conscious than the average person, as they must inflate themselves in every scenario in order to feel safe and secure. This is where we can see the internal suffering of a narcissist and how such a personality is, at its core, a defensive reaction to trauma.

But what about entitlement?

"I deserved the pain." Self-blaming response to trauma.

"I deserve better". Healing response to trauma.

"Others deserve worse". Vindictive response to trauma.

While narcissism is associated with the last response, it's entirely possible for narcissists to have escalated from the first, or even cycle between all three. You have to keep in mind a narcissist is not actually in love with themselves--but in order for a person to be entitled, you may be thinking they must see themselves as superior in some way, right? Well, it's more complicated than that. Different responses to trauma can arise depending on the person's life experience, past trauma, and current situation. Interaction with victims that have similar trauma, such as in a group therapy setting, can provoke a narcissist's view on vulnerability. With their perception of the world and human relationships, they may view other victims as weak if they appear to have a more 'sensitive' reaction, because this is the type of reaction narcissists try so badly to hide in themselves in order to avoid potential harm. If a narcissist views an abuse victim--or anyone, really--as 'weak' in comparison, they will feel wounded and experience vindictive jealousy when a person that triggers their vulnerability in some way has successes in life. This is where the sense of entitlement comes in. As a defensive reaction, narcissists try to convince themselves they are in some way more deserving of a better life. "A better life" for a narcissist, as developed through trauma, often involves some sort of power. This can lead to fixation on things like wealth, fame, and material items. Anything to appear 'better'. Anything to appear secure. Any way to feel in control and invincible from abuse.

It's not a sympathetic reaction to trauma, but it is equally painful and damaging as any other. If you are a victim with this sort of behavior, you're not "hopeless" like the internet will tell you. At age 25, I have not intentionally caused anyone pain in 6 years. The vindictive feelings are there, but I choose to back away when I feel I may involve others in my own pain. "I don't deserve it, but neither do you."

I relate.

people with personality disorders: it was difficult to survive on the ground, so i climbed in a tree and now im stuck and can’t get down

mental health workers (and everyone really): it seems that they climbed in trees to manipulate us. they are fully capable of getting down but doing so would make it harder to abuse us, so they stay there