Latest Posts by decrepitasylum - Page 4

honestly just getting more and more afraid to ever get into another/new relationship because of this. I'm afraid, I'll be constantly afraid that they'll just suddenly leave one day too. I'll get overly too attached and clingy. on top of my already constantly splitting on people. I'm just fucking afraid now because of him.

“I feel like a loser without any future

cut open my head

and rip out the tumor

you make me wanna fucking end it sooner

let me respawn like a first person shooter”

“I hate

When you say that you're in love

My chest, it burns

When you then say you've had enough

Like make your mind up before I fuck my life up

Baby, I'm so stressed out”

I'm taking this as a ghosting/breakup. 4 years to nothing I guess.

im.fucked. I'm fucking fucked.

mom went through my room to look for something and found my box. of all my razors. AND FUCKING TOOK THEM.

she left a note of telling me to talk to her but how do I explain this shit!? how do I explain why I cut!? i don't even do it for normal reasons or depression at this point.

what do I say. oh yeah, I cut just for the hell of it? out of habit because I'm addicted? for the blood and scars? like yes, I do it when I'm upset and/or depression too, but not even I know why I do this anymore!?

all I keep thinking is

fuck you

and

i hate you

"when did you become such an ungrateful little urchin." "i did not teach my child to be this cruel to their mother"

i dunno. maybe when I became sick, wanna die on a daily, and started hating you and everyone else

just a possibility

dropping off the Internet again (not posting or responding to anyone for probably a week again) and debate suicide

“whats your plan b?” - suicide

haha sorry for the late reply, i was busy thinking of all the reasons why i should kms aha.

i dont know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden

not being able to kill myself is the worst feeling

we are all born to die right? so is it wrong of me to speed up the process?

when you are very bad for years, people no longer worry.

you become invisible, a ghost.

I can leave now, everyone has forgotten me.

shut the fuck up just shut the fuck up

i hate you, I hate you all

I'm about to lock myself in the bathroom and cut. I'm talking with Z about A. we're trying to fucking find him. he's been on Spotify in the past week and Pinterest like a month ago.

is he ignoring us? but why? and for 3 months? did we do anything? if something is or was wrong, why couldn't he have just, I don't know, said something?! even if it's vague or blunt, anything would be better than this.

i genuinely feel like I'm dying. my chest and heart fucking hurt now. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? what do I mean to you? what does Z mean to you? nothing?

no messages or contact for 3 months straight and still none, and I finally decided to look at your Spotify again. so you are alive. what? just avoiding us? because I see a new playlist, A WEEK AGO?

i don't know how to feel. i don't fucking understand anything. and I can't cut to get some form of sanity cause moms in the bathroom. I have no appetite for the food in front of me. i want to fucking blow up.

i just want some fucking answers.

when in depressive pissed off state

just listen to black metal

cutting myself back up sounds absolutely great right now

came back just to leave again

it's a never ending cycle

and I really couldn't care.

my head hurts (from being sick) and is also telling me to do certain things

i hate being sick so much

why's the depression strong right now

great im sick.

and it wasn't just a slow build. its like I got hit by a fucking semi today and immediately I'm sick with a ruined throat.

i have always been fat. even as a kid. I've never known to see myself skinny or bones at all. i literally cannot imagine how I'd look skinny. and I fucking hate it. the issues should have been worse when I was younger, maybe that would've fucked my brain more and I could have done something right with my life.

"Suicide is selfish." I don't care??

“you could’ve just asked for my attention” you dont! get it!!!! its not the same!!

my range of emotions go from “it’s scary how much i feel” to “it’s scary how much i don’t feel”

if I actually cry this year it might be because of this pain. cause holy fuck. i am in pain.