Latest Posts by kickedbythevoid - Page 2

Guys fhis is a new low, not only did I spend yesterday and today binging because I was with my friend but when I tried to purge it up just now I missed the toilet bowl and projectile vomited all over my bathroom (didn’t even get much up anyways so it was a waste of time).

I’m so done, I don’t even know what to do at this point I’m just so ashamed. I want this all to stop I want someone to help me but I can’t bring myself to ask for help because I’m too fat and not sick enough to warrant even needing any help. My only hope is death, but I don’t want to die fat, but I can’t keep living like this.

Why did I have to be social yesterday and invite my friend to hang out today now i just want to be alone and they are gonna make me eat but I can’t back out now I cannot do this

Update on the sushi situation from last night, I did end up eating it and something else which I deeply regret although if my calculations were right with the sushi I did stay under 500 cals. I hate how easily I gave into desire, I feel like I have no discipline whatsoever. To make up for breaking my fast early I’m going to fast for the entire weekend and maybe Monday, and work out even harder. God I hate myself.

Just saw a body check of my stomach from the morning before the binge episode I was so skinny I’m going to fucking end it why did I have to go anf ruin it

I bought some sushi impulsively and I want to eat it but I’m not sure how many calories are in it anf honestly I’m not that hungry and I’ve already fasted so far today so why break it now but I also really want the sushi RAHHHHHH

Fasted, got nearly 25k steps and completed a workout for the first time in a year and I feel fantastic.

May is going to be my month !! 🫶🫶

Locking in so hard for May, even if I don’t get to my UGW by June I’m getting to BMI 14.

I’m gonna fast 3 days a week minimum, laxatives everyday especially on non fasting days, stay under 450 cals a day, get at least 25g protein on non fasting days, 20k steps and 20 minutes Pilates a day + 30 minute strength training on non fasting days.

It seems unrealistic and I know I’m gonna lose motivation by the end of the week but I will persevere and stick to this plan, I can’t let another month go by no closer to my goal. This is all I have ever wanted, and I will get it.

And I’m all the way back up to 52.5kg. 4 kg in 4 days. I was literally less than a kg away from my GW, all my hard work down the drain like it never happened.

I’m so disappointed in myself, so so disappointed.

I feel so alone, I keep so much to myself and whatever I do try to express I can’t properly so no one can truly understand me. I’m going to die a stranger to my loved ones.

I binged again, it feels like I blacked out and now I just woke up. I feel sick, my stomach hurts, I can feel the fat rolls that I swear weren’t there before. I can feel that my stomach has adjusted and expanded to accomodate the binges, the guilt is eating me alive. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I don’t know if I can do this anymore, I can’t go another day in this fat uncontrollable body. Everything hurts. I’m ready to die.

I hate food I hate my brain why can’t I stop thinking about food I can’t do this I can’t control myself I can’t binge again but I know I’m going to I can’t do this

God I want to binge so bad I’m not even hungry but the urges are killing me I forgot how hard the first day restricting after a binge was

First day back restricting after a 3 day binge bender, and I plan to liquid fast for as long as possible. I don’t even know how to feel, I feel different and weird. I feel fat, I am fat, I’ve undoubtedly gained back up into the low 50kgs.

I’m so hungry but also I don’t want to eat, but also I want to eat everything but the thought of eating anything makes me feel sick. God I regret binging, I was doing so well then I had to go and fuck it up for myself and now everything feels 10x harder. I feel so lazy, it’s 3pm and I haven’t even gotten 10k steps yet.

Hopefully my mindset returns back to how it was before, and the hunger goes away.

Binged really bad yesterday, was only able to purge like under a quarter of it up before my throat began to burn too much so I took a little more than 15 laxatives I think. I feel and look so disgusting, the binge wasn’t even enjoyable. I want to water fast for the next 3 days to clear my system, but theres this voice inside my head that keeps trying to get me to binge again “it’s only 1 more day” “you still have food left in the freezer you can binge on, you don’t want to waste it after spending so much money on it do you” “you can just purge it out” “if you don’t binge now you not be able to ever again” and bullshit like that. I’m not even hungry, I’m still sickly full despite purging and digesting most of it, but I just want to eat.

Binging will be the death of me, if not by physically causing me to have a heart attack then most definitely by making me kill myself.

Ive lost all my thoughts

Debating if I should get sushi & miso soup before work or just stick to my regular toast hmm hmmmm

Why does the scale say I’m losing weight when I still look like a whale????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with exercise guilt? I’m liquid fasting and too exhausted to get even 10k steps today when I usually get 20k a day and it’s killing me, I’ve tried my hardest to at least burn off the calories from my energy drink but at this point I don’t even have the energy to stand up for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Y’all I can’t believe it I’m only 1.2kg away from my gw, ITS SO CLOSE I COULD VERY WELL BE AT MY GW BY EARLY NEXT WEEK WHAT

I’m so pathetic I can’t believe I’m crying over bread, my mum chucked it out without telling me so now I can’t have what I was planning to eat and I can’t eat any other type of bread and I can’t eat past 3:30 (literally right this minute) so now my whole plans changed. I’m not even hungry but I have work and I always eat before work and now I can’t and everything feels so out of control.

Feeling very fat and fake today, it’s 1pm and I’ve only taken 3,500 steps today when I would usually be at least at 6000 by now. I’ve had an energy drink and I look so bloated. I’m not good enough, not sick enough, and all I want to do is cry and fast but I have fucking work.

Yall update on the hot cross bun situation, it was so disappointing I should’ve gotten a different one because this one tasted like ass it literally just tasted like a regular brioche bun and I regret OMAD’ing it 😔💔

GUESS WHO WOKE UP UNDER 50KG FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR, CAN I HEAR A ROUND OF APPLAUSE !! (I’m so happy I could cry)

Gonna stick to my plan today and if I make it to 50kg by tomorrow I shall celebrate with a hot cross bun and milk ^^

GUYS YOUR NEVER GONNA BELIEBE WHAT I GOT MY HANDS ON, A WHOLE 6 PACK OF CADBURY CHOC CHIP HOT CROSS BUNS HALLELUJAH (now I just gotta make sure not to binge on them, I think I’m gonna try give a couple away and then OMAD the rest for the next couple days)

All I wanted was to OMAD a hot cross bun but ofc they are all sold out smh😔

BMI 17.4 but I look the same if not fatter than I did at BMI 19 when will this suffering end 😔

RAHHH thank yeww !! [pretend the eyes are blue not purple…]

@flipippp @dragonflys-words @melasdiary @blackrosesyrup010 @pinksunshineeeee @coffeeandcigarettes92 @janesaddictionn + anyone else <33

new picrew chain cuz why the hell not

https://picrew.me/share?cd=Ou5y4ws9qt #Picrew #____20_

@sleepy-internet-addict @asterloid @shortcakedoggie-reblog @piko-chan @glassy-squidster-22 @coffee-dere @charactervocal02 @ki-2-ur-heart @livegastrodonreaction + any1!

Just want to say thank you to everyone for your interactions they are dearly appreciated, and hello to all my new mutuals !! I love you all so much your all so kind 🫶🫶

I think I’m gonna switch my morning monster to a different drink, maybe a coffee or chocolate milk because I’m beginning to despise carbonation.